A Texas Pregnancy
by taylorcochran
Summary: Riley finally married the man of her dreams. For 10 years she had dreams about marrying Lucas Friar and it is still a shock to her system that her dream had become a reality. With Charlie gone and Missy falling off the face of the planet, nothing is hindering their relationship to take the next step. Will life throw them a curve ball, or will they finally catch a break?
1. Announcement!

Hey everyone,

Let me first and foremost say, that this message goes out to both WattPad and FanFiction readers, so if you don't understand something it is more than likely directed to the other group lol.

Okay so, obviously this is a new story in my 'A Texas' Series and it will be the last.

For those who haven't read - A Texas Reunion, or A Texas Wedding, I suggest you read them. Even though you won't be entirely lost, it will definitely The first chapter will be posted December 11, 2016.

I want to thank everyone who messaged me and commented asking if I was okay since I hadn't posted anything new - aside from WattPad, where I am editing and rewriting 'Married to my Job'. I have been great, just tired with a lot going on. Not only am I preparing to move into a new house, we also had a family reunion this past weekend and the levels of my fatigue are becoming greater and I will probably have to go see a specialist, so that's why as of right now I have no update schedule on any of my stories - editing or writing. I would like for it to be like an every other day thing, or every 2 days when I post but, I can't guarantee that. But I digress, I really appreciate the messages and comments of those who were concerned. I went from having 2 stories and posting daily to not posting at all and I think it freaked some of FanFixtion readers out.

Anyways, next topic of conversation. COVERS! If you want to make a cover, I would love to see them so please don't hesitate and this is me asking. I usually get them from a reader on WattPad and I'm in love with her's - for anyone who needs covers she's incredible - but I also know there are a lot of really talented people out there and I want to see what you can do. So, if you would like to make a cover for this book, you can message me with the cover or tag me in your book and on Thursday I will post my top 5 favorite - fingers crossed I get that many, that would be embarrassing lol - and you guys can vote. If, yours doesn't get chosen, even if it doesn't make it to the top 5, I will still post them throughout the stories as a banner.

Love you guys a bunchie bunchie! Go ahead and tell me how excited you are that I'm finally granting you your wish of writing this story lol. Love you guys.

XOXO,

Taylor


	2. Chapter 1 - This Isn't A Joke?

Growing up, I always thought things were pretty straightforward.

Go to college; get a job, fall in love and get married, then eventually pop out a few kids.

I always thought it would be difficult to fall in love. It wasn't for me, I had fallen in love with my high school lab partner and - somewhat - willingly, stayed in love with him for 10 years. You could say that we took things _really_ slow, but I was just an after thought in his mind. I didn't blame him for it, we had barely seen one another in that 10 year span, but the night of my high school reunion changed everything for me.

And eventually, the man I was consistently drowning myself in - finally - loved me back. But of course, things still weren't simple. Between his ex-girlfriend and my stalker who almost succeeded in killing me, you could say our lives were on a bit of a roller coaster. I half expected Lucas to run for the hills a good portion of the time, especially when I shot and killed the man who terrorized and plagued every part of my life.

He stayed.

We married.

Then for the first time, in a long time, we were living in 'bliss'.

I just never realized that our 'bliss' would be short lived.

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"Hey how did the appointment go?"

Craning my neck to the left, I put the finishing touches on the red satin ribbon that I had formed into a bow, that tied the entire present together. A small smile formed upon my lips, my best friend is the only person who knew about my appointment, and that was because she stole my phone and started searching through my calendar. The little snoop. My plan was to not tell anyone until I first had it confirmed by a doctor, and not until I had told Lucas.

We had been married for 6 months now, and I've never been bored. Granted, we were still in our 'honeymoon' stage, but I don't think I've ever been happier. "Great. I have a few pictures."

Maya squealed, she bounced up and down several times before latching herself onto me. "Oh my GOSH! Let me see! Let me see, please. Please. Please." Reaching into my purse, I catch a small peek at the little bean growing inside of me before passing it off to my best friend. I say passed off, but she ripped it out of my hands. I quickly let go, in fear they would tear, the sonogram paper is thin and fragile. "Awe, it's so small."

"Excuse you, my baby is no it." My lips form into a pout on their own accord. Maya mumbles out a small apology, before taking a snapshot on her phone. "I'm 10 weeks. I can't even believe this." At this point in my day, my cheeks were hurting from smiling non-stop.

"And Lucas has no idea?" I give a little shake of my head before stepping into the kitchen to continue cooking my dinner of steak, and twice baked potatoes. The smell of the bits of lobster I added wafted through the air of my kitchen, wrapping itself around me and causing my stomach to grumble. "How? Does he not question the fact you haven't had your period for 2 months?"

My cheeks tinge a light pink, "I barely realized Maya. I don't think a period is the first thing that men think about. The only reason I had thought about it was because I had seen tampons and was like, 'oh, I haven't used those in awhile'."

Maya snorted before plopping herself down on the bar stool. "I'm just saying, guys would recognize non-stop sex for 2 months. Not that they would complain."

Again, I find myself blushing as I look away. I'm still not entirely comfortable with talking about sex, and the fact he had no complaint period didn't make things any easier. "I'm done with this conversation."

Maya laughs at me, her blonde tresses wrapping tightly around her finger as she watches me work. Her yellow diamond glistened under the spotlights of the kitchen. Josh and Maya still have yet to tie the knot, but I think they plan for it to stay that way for awhile. She is still in the 'eloping in Vegas' phase, and as long as she's happy, I'll support her. "So, you've planned an extravagant meal for him and you are going to give him the gift, which I assume is a sonogram picture?"

Nodding in affirmation, I pull the steaks out of the oven after glancing at the clock. "He should be here in like 10 minutes, so get to gettin'."

She's out the door moments later, wishing me luck and telling me to call her after I tell him the news. This leaves me just enough time to get changed. Scurrying into our master bedroom, I put on the dress he specifically picked out for me a few months ago. It's a fit and flare, and surprisingly cute, considering he picked it out. The black floral patterns contrast against the white lace. "SWEETHEART? I'M HOME!"

Nerves wash over me, my cheeks burn a crimson red, butterflies explode in my stomach and I now realize there is no way, that I'll be able to keep this a secret from him much longer... but I can try. I inhale and exhale a few times before stepping into the hallway where my husband stands. Bright green eyes smile down upon me as he removes his belt and all of his gear, he's too damn sexy for his own good, especially wearing that uniform. "Hi handsome."

His eyes rake over my form, from the present smirk upon his lips, I know he enjoys what he's seeing. "I love that dress. Where on earth did you get it?"

Deciding to play along with his little game, a sly smile approaches my lips. "A very attractive man." Lucas' left eyebrow quirks, his strong hands slowly wrapping around my waist in the process. "You jealous?"

Again, he flashes me a breathtaking smile, his perfectly straight, white teeth being showcased in the process. "Of the man who gets to call you, his? What man wouldn't be?" Our lips connect, and as breathtaking as always, I become lost within it. Slow and soft, loving and passionate, enticing and delicious, all rolled into one embrace. The moment his teeth tug at my bottom lip, my fingers become tangled into his hair. "You look gorgeous, sweetheart."

My heart pounds frantically against my chest, the love glistening within his eyes, is always too much for me to handle. I always have to look away, "thank you. You hungry?"

With a curt nod, he pecks my lips again, "very. I'm going to change real quick and then I'll be right out." With one more warm kiss to my forehead, he shifts around me to go down the hall and change clothes.

I'm so in love with that man.

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Dinner was delicious if I do say so myself.

The steak melted in my mouth like butter despite the fact I had to eat it well done, and the carbs I basically inhaled, had my stomach swelling. It was so worth it. "Dinner was delicious baby, I'll do the dishes."

I fell in love all over again. "That's perfectly fine with me." My sly retort is met with a playful growl. "But first-" I reach out to grip his wrist before he gets too far. I am not sure why I'm nervous. I know he'll be ecstatic and more than that, he'll be an excellent father. Even though it is early in our marriage, I doubt he will care about when we made the little miracle. Plus, his parents will be thrilled, I swear every time we talk or see them it is as if they have baby fever.

"Sweetheart, you kind of went into your mind for a second." He mentions while laughing, successfully pulling me out of my thoughts. "You okay?"

"Never better." Reaching blindly underneath the table, I grab the bag and set it on top of the table. "Happy early birthday, or Christmas, whichever comes first."

His brows knit together in confusion for a moment. I'm sure he is wondering if he forgot an anniversary. "I'm assuming since you aren't sure what this gift is for, that I didn't miss an anniversary yet."

Shaking my head, my bottom lip becomes buried in between two rows of teeth. If I say anything now, I'll spill the beans. Giving a silent gesture towards my husband, he opens the bag, occasionally casting glances my direction with his signature smile. The moment he pulls out the black wooden distressed frame and turns it around to look at the picture, is the moment I hold my breath. "Sweetheart?"

Wide eyes and a huge smile are fixated on the picture. His hand moves to cup his mouth, the happy eyes transform into emotional pink ones. Oh my God, is he... "please tell me this isn't a joke."

He sniffles as I shake my head - should I take that offensively - my own tears brim in my ducts at the sight of my loving husband doting over our child. Lucas blinks, leaving a trail of tears behind with that single action. "I'm going to be a dad?"

His eyebrows shoot up in question, and he glances at me for just a moment to indicate he is in fact looking for an answer. "Yeah baby, you're going to be a daddy and I'm going to be a mom."

He sets down the frame and rests his elbows on his thighs. Lucas' strong hands create a praying position in front of his face all the while his focus remains on our little bean. "Riley," Lucas exhales, his cheeks puffing out from the action, "holy God."

I giggle lightly and when I reach out for his hands, he pulls away and stands up off the dining room seat. What the heck? He's not... he wanted kids, I know he did. That's when his pacing begins, "so you have a baby growing inside of you?"

I think he's a little overwhelmed. Inwardly, I chuckle but flash him my smile instead. "Yes baby, that's typically how things work."

"Okay, cool." I hate to say this but, seeing him like this is rather entertaining. I've never seen him so anxious before. "So," Lucas clicks his tongue, drawing attention to his yummy lips, with a nod of his head, and then he cuts himself off to walk outside? And leaves the front door wide open, deciding it'd be best to follow him, I do and lean against the doorframe, only truly relaxing when I see the huge - and I mean gargantuan - smile on his face. "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!"

He better be lucky that I'm an understanding and patient person, or I would have freaked out about his silence that lasted minutes on end. "MY WIFE IS PREGNANT!"

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how cute my husband is? Lucas stalks towards me, his strong arms immediately wrap around my body, tightening their hold for a moment before his lips crash against mine.

Both he and I, pull away laughing, stupidly giddy if you ask me. "I can't believe this!" And this ladies and gentleman is how you warm my heart. "I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY!"

"HEY SHUT UP!"

Uh oh, Lucas' look of elation flutters away momentarily. "NO, YOU SHUT UP! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER!" My cheeks flame red in embarrassment, he would do something like that. "AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL BE LOUDER!" A quick whistle escapes his parted lips, "Coal, Hoss, come here." They trot outside, tails wagging, and tongues out. "Dogs, howl."

And, they do.

Playfully, I swat at his arm, while he just laughs... yeah, this guy is causing problems with our neighbors but laughs about it. "You sir, are nothing but trouble."

In song he says, "you knew I was trouble when I walked in."

Hurriedly, I pull away from my husband, a playful scowl etched on my face. He hugs me from behind, his face buried into my neck, an action so simple, yet so breathtaking, I always get butterflies. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To throw that Taylor Swift CD away "

"I've heard that once before." He quips, his voluptuous lips meet mine quickly before pulling away. A warm hand is placed on my belly, lovingly caressing it, "hi baby. Just so you know, your mommy is the strongest and most beautiful woman I know." Awe. A soft smile approaches his face, a warmth spreads through my limbs. "I can't wait to meet you."

And that's when I couldn't prevent myself from kissing him anymore. Our movements were slow, filled with an incomparable amount of passion, and love.

Not just move for one another but love for the baby growing inside of me. "I can't believe I'm going to be a dad. This is incredible."

"Believe it handsome, because you're stucj with us."

An annoyed expression flits across his face. "Hoss, Coal, enough." I giggle, I had comoleteky forgot they were howling.

The dogs trot inside, their heads held high with what they've accomplished... annoying the whole neighborhood. "Come on sweetheart; we have to call your mom and my mom and Maya, I'm sure she will freak -

My hand wraps around his mouth, preventing him from speaking. "Let's tell everyone tomorrow and just spend this time with us together... celebrating."

His brows arch at the double meaning of my words. "Oh hell yeah."

Right fast and in a hurry, I'm lifted into his arms and sprinting down the hall to get to our bedroom. "Oh my God!" My brows furrow in confusion when we come to a halt in the walkway. "That's why you haven't had your period in so long." My head is thrown back while laughing and he proceeds to the bedroom... where we celebrate for a good while.

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Please remember that at the moment I have no update schedule. I'm moving and with Christmas right around the corner, I'm not sure when I can post again.

Anyways, this is the first chapter and I hope you enjoyed it.

I know this is a long awaited sequel, and I hope it become everything that you hope for.

Love you guys,  
XOXO,  
Taylor.


	3. Chapter 2-Wear the Death Traps

Let me just say that I warned Lucas.

I warned him that calling my parents first would mean one thing, we wouldn't be able to call anyone else, at least not in the same night. "Are you two even listening?" My mother asks, her voice echoing out through the speakerphone, obviously she's a little irked.

And in all honesty, no. We aren't listening, we were done listening 30 minutes ago after we had to plug my phone into the charger. Now, we're cuddled up together on the couch and watching 'Hunger Games: Catching Fire', my favorite one in the series. Lucas' hand is protectively wrapped around my stomach, occasionally and absentmindedly he will rub small circles and hum in content. He's so adorable.

"Yes, of course." I answer somewhat offended, at least I feign offence.

"Oh really?" My husband arches his brow with a small smirk on his face, "then what was it that I said?"

Taking a swing in the dark, I cringe when I reply, "You're super excited about the baby?"

Even I know I could have made that more convincing. I more or less, asked her. My mother huffs, because apparently my father is still passed out on the floor. "Well, yes." I fist pump from my guess, causing Lucas to chuckle at my wild antics. His warm, wet lips press against my temple. "But, that's not all I said, young lady." Why do I feel as if I'm being scolded? Cuddling deeper into my husband, feeling tired, I hum in reply. "When do you find out the sex of the baby? Why did you tell us over the phone? Are you going to find out? Have you two thought of names? Are you going to breastfeed?"

I vaguely hear what else it is she's sprouting off whenever Lucas lovingly scratches my back and whispers, "go to sleep sweetheart. I'll handle your mother. I love you."

My intention was to say, 'thank you and good luck', but I fell asleep rather quickly.

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Laura and Rodney were literally screaming into the phone.

It was much more appealing than my father who squealed and I'm pretty sure made my ear drums rattle. Everyone, and I mean everyone was so excited whenever we told them. Even Maya did an incredible job at pretending she didn't know. But, in my opinion, I think she was just letting out all of her excitement that she's had to keep wrapped up. I digress, back to Laura and Rodney, they've already booked a hotel down here from a week before my due date, to a month afterwards so they could be here with our newborn.

I literally got that text minutes ago, but to our luck, neither one of them bombarded me with questions like my mother and father, well... my mother. I think my dad is still trying to process everything, and that was a week ago.

"Is all of this necessary?"

My neck cranes to see what it is Lucas is referencing, a smile forms across my face. 'The Do's & Don't's List', but mostly the don't's. "Which part are you referencing?"

"You have to heat up deli meat?"

Nodding in affirmation, I place my diamond stud earrings in my ears and tousle my hair. "Yes, it kills bacteria." Deciding to beat him to the punch, my mouth answers his unspoken - and next - question. "And yes, my steaks have to be well done."

His nose scrunches up in disdain, "that's like beef jerky."

Shrugging, I step into my heels and watch as his brows furrow. My husband is taking in the list, and I'm sure memorizing it, as he did my discharge paperwork after my surgery. My head rests on the door frame as I watch him, a feeling of warmth bubbles up inside of me knowing my baby will have him as a father. "God, there's so much stuff that can go wrong. Preeclempsia, Gestational Diabetes, Placenta Previa -

Cutting him off, I stalk towards him and cover his lips with my own. He groans into the kiss and from the sounds of rustling paper, he set the list down. Only to wrap his arms around my waist, his grip firm and every bit male. I know that sounds stupid to say, but they're rough and calloused, strong from his work as a police officer, yet gentle knowing he's holding me. Our mouths mold together, our tongues dance wildly as I press myself further against his chest. My fingers grip at the nape of his neck. tugging gently. "You have a great way of distracting me."

A grin dances across my lips, "I'd like to think so." Cupping his face in my hands, my own tilts to the side. "Now listen to me Lucas Friar, we'll do what we're told but let's not stress about what could go wrong and relish in everything that can go right."

Lucas shakes his head, his sandy blonde hair moving with it. I need to remind him to get a haircut. "You're right. You are absolutely right sweetheart. I'm sorry, I just - things have never gone that great for us and I just wanted to make sure we're taking all precautions. We'll blame the cop coming out in me."

Nodding in affirmation, I peck his lips one more time and intertwine our fingers. "Now come on, we're late for the party." There was a new sheriff appointed and this is like his congratulatory, welcoming kind of party, which means Maya and Josh will be there also. This is the first time I'll be meeting everyone and I'm excited.

"Do you have to wear heels?"

My brows furrow before glancing at my feet, "why not?"

"What if you trip and fall and hurt the baby?"

With a sigh, I tug him towards the front door. "Worry wart."

"Fine. Wear the death traps! I'll just be attached at your hip all night." His eyes glance over my form in the little black dress I know I won't be able to wear in a few months. It's definitely form fitting, and the dress I wore on the night of our 10 year reunion. "Either way you'd be attached at my hip all night, you're sinfully beautiful."

Be still my heart.

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"Everything looks great. Measurements check out, and the heartbeat is great." She wipes off the gel on my tummy, that sent chills up my spine. "Alright, so you are now 16 weeks and from here on out we will see you monthly. Are you taking your pre-natals?"

"Yes." Lucas answers before I do, with a tight hold on my hand. He's made sure I take them by reminding me to do so every morning. I both love and hate that about him, sometimes I feel as if I'm a child but then I realize, he only acts that way because he cares. "Is there a specific brand that's best?"

Doctor Herd glances at me quickly with a smile before focusing back on my husband. "Not really, they all basically do the same thing. I gave Riley 5 different brand samples on her first appointment. It just depends on the woman and what she prefers." After a reassuring smile, she pulls off a few sonogram pictures and passes them to us, "you'll be able to find out the sex of the baby on the next visit, if he or she is cooperative."

My heart rate sky rockets, and by the grip that Lucas has on my hand, he's ecstatic as well. "So, make sure you schedule the ultrasound as well as an appointment with me."

Dr. Herd leaves us alone after that and I get dressed again while Lucas stares at the ultrasound pictures with a grin on his face. My hand rubs over the small bump that is barely apparent, "I can't wait to find out if you're going to be a princess or a prince." My words are whispered but catches Lucas' attention.

Emerald eyes gaze at me with adoration, "So you really don't like Sydney for a girl?"

Shrugging, I grab the paper to take to the receptionist and take my husbands hand. "It's a nice name, I'm just not in love with it. Besides, you vetoed Arabella."

Lucas chuckles and pecks my temple, "I picture a witch whenever I think of that name. I will have a princess, not a witch."

We're pretty sure that we're having a girl, I'm not sure why, I think we want a girl. But, I couldn't care less, as long as he or she is healthy. We ended up having the rest of the day off and after scheduling our next appointment as early as possible, Lucas and I decided to go take a nap. Stripping bare and sliding on a large tee shirt of my husband's I crawl into bed, with him not far behind. But of course, the tee shirt seems to be wasted, he lifts up the hem of my shirt and places his hand on my belly.

I knew he'd be excited to become a dad, I just never thought it would be to this extent. "Hi princess." Inching down on the bed, he rests his head on my belly and presses a kiss on my skin. "Are you itchy?"

I guess he could see the red marks across my skin. "A little."

"I got ya' sweetheart." He rolls out of bed and in roughly a minute he's lying back down with some lotion, "I saw it at the store it's for stretch marks and is supposed to relieve itching. I thought you might want it."

And that's when I start crying.

Not just crying, sobbing.

Full on, tears and noises coming out of my mouth while I frantically try to dry my face. "I'm sorry, was that wrong? I'm not saying that you have stretch marks, I just - most women do get them and I thought it would be preventative."

That makes me cry harder.

Doesn't he understand how sweet that is? "Sweetheart, please stop crying. I'm sorry, I'll get you some ice cream, I grabbed some more at the store." Before he rises off the mattress, I grip his wrist and pull him back down into a hug.

"You're such an idiot." I whisper while drying my face on his shoulder, "that's so sweet. Thank you so much."

I feel his shoulders drop from relief while a small chuckle escapes his parted lips, "oh baby, lay down." Doing as he asked, I flop back down on the pillow and use the comforter to dry my face entirely. Lucas puts some lotion into his hand and starts to massage my stomach, "you scared me, I'm going to blame your hormones on that little outburst."

"That's probably best." Sniffling, I begin to close my eyes and enjoy this amazing feeling. No matter how gross it is, his callouses are lightly scratching and the lotion relieves any and all itching.

"So, I was thinking, did you want to have a gender reveal party?"

Tilting my head to the side, I watch as he hesitantly glances at me, as if he's almost shy to even ask me that question. "How do you even know what that is? You know what, don't answer that. If you want to have a gender reveal party, then let's have one. It doesn't have to be big just our parents and a few friends. Wait, does this mean that we won't be able to find out the sex of the baby until later?"

"NO!" He shouts, then grimaces at the volume of his voice. I just laugh, it's so cute how excited he is. "We can find out, and let everyone guess, and we'll come up with some cool way to tell everyone. Like, with balloons or the filling in the cupcake."

Okay, I have to ask now, "have you been on my pintrest?"

When his cheeks tinge a light pink, I literally face palm myself. "God, you're so adorable. Seriously Lucas, you are like the perfect husband."

"I try baby." Leaning up, he pecks my lips and then continues to massage my stomach again until I'm fast asleep.

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"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?"

That's what woke me up.

"Red bird, red bird, what do you see?"

My husband is reading the children's classic, 'Brown Bear What do You See', to our unborn child.

"Yellow duck, yellow duck, what do you see?"

What the hell?!

My eyes snap open and Lucas is at the other end of the mattress with wide eyes, staring directly at my stomach. "Was that -" He nods at my unspoken question, "you felt it too?"

"Yeah, my hand was on your stomach."

In sync, our mouths form into a huge smile, "Lucas read it again." Slowly, he moves towards me, placing a hand on my stomach and the other holding the book. The only difference being that this time we make it to 'goldfish' before another strong jolt is felt within my stomach. "Oh my God." Tears well up within my eyes, before I glance at my husband.

Though blurry, I can tell he's getting choked up as well. "She's so strong." His lips press against my stomach, "You're so strong princess, daddy can't wait to meet you."

He's not lying, normally the 'kicks' I feel now are supposed to be like flutters. But these, they are distinctive kicks. "She's going to be a daddy's girl."

Before I can react, he's kissing me. It's gentle and still so passionate, I can feel how much he loves me through this kiss and how happy he is, mostly because he's smiling. "Riley, I can never thank you enough for what you've given me. You've made me so incredibly happy, you've made this house into a home, and you're giving me a baby, I'm just so grateful to have you. I love you, I love you so, so much."

And that's when I start crying... again.

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Yes, this is a slightly shorter chapter. I just wanted to push this out to you guys since it's been almost a full week, I don't want to make you guys wait longer than that.

Anyways, updates should become more swift since my new house is somewhat livable. We'll see how long that lasts.

XOXO,

Taylor


	4. Chapter 3-Caveman Mentality

I felt like crap.

Complete and utter crap.

I was doing so well, I had no morning sickness for 17 weeks. I even heard that once your second trimester began - at 13 weeks - that you were somewhat out of the woods when it came to morning sickness.

Which - by the way - the name is a total lie, 'morning sickness', makes no sense whenever it can hit you at any damn time during the day. The thought of food sends me sprinting towards the toilet, the smell, don't even get me started. Saltines and fruit smoothies are what I am capable of keeping down, unfortunately that also means I'm not giving my child what they need.

Technically, it isn't my fault. My princess wants what she wants, and I can't not give her what she wants, not that I could if I tried. To answer your unspoken question... yes, she will be spoiled.

It is currently 3:22 in the morning and I've been awake since 2:04, just like the past few seems as if our prince or princess has their days and nights reversed, because I get a swift kick in the tummy around 2 o'clock every single morning and that's when the morning sickness begins and it ends when I finally let myself fall asleep at night.

The cool porcelain of the toilet rests against my cheek, a great contrast from the heat of my cheeks from vomiting uncontrollably. "You have to stop this." My whispered words do little to stop the constant ache, but I'm hoping eventually my child will listen.

"Hey sweetheart." Lucas steps inside the dark bathroom, the pitter patter of his feet is heard against the tile floor. Kneeling beside me he places a hand on my back, small, soothing circles are created and lulling me back to sleep. And that lasts a total of 4 seconds before the smell of mint on his breath has me curling over the toilet, again.

HOW IS HIS BREATH STILL MINTY?!

My tangled hair is pulled back as I empty my intestines in the potty. "Princess, you have to quit doing this to your mommy." I hear once I'm finally done, reaching blindly, my fingers touch the soft Cottonelle toilet paper to wipe my mouth clean, and that's when my tresses cascade around my face again. "One second, sweetheart." Nodding as if I can even comprehend what it is he's saying, I wait.

My tummy seems to have calmed down a little bit and I can only thank God for that. "Come on, beautiful." An arm is tucked underneath my knees, the other beneath my shoulders. I go limp in his arms, and allow my wonderful husband to carry me wherever it is he wants. The feeling of a soft mattress underneath me, and the coolness of a wet cloth rests on my forehead, has me sighing in content. Warm lips press against my cheek before I feel the other side of the bed dip. "There's a trash can beside you, use it if you need to sweetheart."

Exhaustion sweeps over my muscles, feeling as if I'm falling into the mattress. "Thank you."

Again, a feather light kiss is placed against my cheek. "Are you feeling any better?"

Honestly? "My stomach is." For now. Sighing in content, I grasp his hand a little tighter. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Riley, I want to be there for you. Plus, I can't hardly sleep anymore without you there, it's as if my body knows you aren't lying beside me and I need to go and find you." A breathy chuckle escapes from me, doing anything more would certainly fatigue me. "Get some sleep beautiful, you need it."

"I love you, Lucas."

"I love you, Riley."

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"TA DA!"

I jump slightly, my hand clutching my heart as I try and breathe through the fright Maya just gave me. Craning my neck upwards, I look past the ridiculously large gift bag and towards my blonde best friend. "Hello, it's so good to see you. It's been a few days. How are you?"

She giggles, tossing her purse to the side in the process and situates herself into the plastic chair across from me. "Shut up, and open my gift!" It was an hour before team practice and I was not looking forward to it, Lucas freaked out the moment I told him I was going to continue to dance.

'What if you fall?'

'Is that even healthy?'

'NO JUMP SPLITS!'

So, we compromised. I would continue to do light working out and cardio, while mocking the dances and having my captain do the demonstrations. It was a tough decision because I loved dancing so much, but as long as I continue to stretch - to the best of my ability, with a huge belly - then I think I'll be okay. "Are you going to open it or just sit there like a goon?"

With a heavy eye roll, my fingers make quick work of the tissue paper and I'm about to ball my eyes out whenever I see the onesies. A white one with black lettering that says, 'handle with care'. A black one with white lettering that says, 'my mommy does not need your advice'. "Oh my God, Maya! This is so crude."

She giggles and snatches it out of my hand while I keep digging. "Yes, but so true. I heard that was the most annoying thing about being pregnant."

Scoffing in reply, I awe whenever I see another one that says, 'He who has just been named'. "No, the most annoying thing about being pregnant is the morning sickness that wakes me up in the middle of the night almost every night." After glancing through the last few onesies, I sidestep the desk and embrace her into a hug, "thank you so much! I love them."

Grinning from ear to ear, she squeezes me slightly tighter before resting her palm on my belly that is hidden from my hoodie. "Leave your mommy alone." We laugh together before she reaches inside her luggage case that she calls a purse and passes me a 'Naked' fruit smoothie. My belly not only growls in approval but as if my baby knows what I'm seeing, kicks me a few times.

"I love you so much."

"I know." Her blue eyes glisten even in this hideous lighting that - for whatever reason - our school paid for. "Aren't you supposed to be eating chocolate or something? Isn't the baby a reason for you to eat awful and get whatever you want."

Swallowing down the bile that threatened to come up when she mentioned chocolate, I take a sip of the smoothie and focus on that as it rolls down my throat. "I've changed my eating habits. You can still get gestational diabetes from not taking care of yourself. I wouldn't give my newborn baby soda for example, so why drink it? I know that isn't exactly how it works, but I feel like fluids go straight to my baby and I don't want him or her addicted to sugar the moment they come out of my womb."

"You mean vagina." She corrects... I mean she isn't wrong but neither am I. "Good luck with that darling, pushing a 20 pound baby out of your tampon tunnel is going to be difficult."

I'm flabbergasted.

Maya found my flabbergasted button and pressed it. "Maya Hart! First of all where in the hell did you hear the terminology 'tampon tunnel'?" She just giggles, the words alone are enough to make me scrunch my nose up in distaste. "And also, where have you been in the past 11 years when we took Child Development together? A 20 pound baby, seriously? I worry about you."

"As you should." She tacks on, "to answer your question my darling, I was napping while you did the work for me."

"We get it, your bad, I'm good." Adjusting my jacket over my bump, my fingers work to put on my tennis shoes. "I'm the girl who would get excited over school dances, while you were the one who would sit in the corner playing pranks on people."

She rises, subconsciously sensing my departure that I'll have to make soon. "On the contrary honey, I would have preferred to be at home, but you wanted to go to the dances, so I went."

My eyes well up with tears, in a few strides I'm enveloping her into my arms. "You're the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for."

"Yeah, I'm pretty bad ass. Just kidding... but seriously, I'm pretty great and I consider myself extremely blessed in life to have you in my life."

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"Riley."

Nope.

"Sweetheart."

Go away.

"Come on, beautiful."

I'm about to go Jackie Chan on someone's ass. From the deep, husky and devastatingly sexy morning voice that is whispering in my ear, I'm going to have to say it's my husband's sweet piece of ass that will be the victim of my foot. "5 more minutes."

Lucas chuckles, while slowly pulling me closer into his taut, muscular frame. "You said that 30 minutes ago."

"Then you're the worst alarm clock, ever. Can I return you?"

Warm, wet lips press against my temple and then my nose. 1 small kiss was placed on each of my eyelids, another on the tip of my nose. My lips curl upwards in a small grin, however my eyes remain closed. "You know," a feather light kiss is peppered onto my cheek, "you're so tempting." I groan lightly whenever he nibbles slightly at my jaw line, "and if you didn't have 30 minutes before we had to leave -

"30 MINUTES! YOU ASS!" Pushing myself out of his grasp, I ignore the warmth, and muscular chest I'm applying pressure to and scurry into the shower, my hair stays on top of my head while washing my body and face, in a span of like 3 minutes.

I'm pretty skilled.

I can hear the amusement in my husband's voice whenever I'm stepping out of the shower and wrapping the towel around me. "I don't understand how it's so obvious how much your belly has grown, but when you put clothes on you can hardly tell."

"I'm going to ignore the obvious fat comment and move on. My family has small baby belly's."

Vaguely, I notice him roll his emerald like eyes while sliding on a shirt that I'm currently cursing into another dimension. "You're pregnant, not fat. You're a beautiful pregnant woman and for whatever reason it kind of turns me on, knowing that you're carrying my child."

Sliding on my leggings, I avoid the scoff that's begging to escape. "Please, let's not have the, me-caveman-love-to-have-woman-pregnant-for-offspring, mentality."

He shakes his head, lips curling upwards in amusement while one of the greatest sounds I've ever heard echoes off the tile in the bathroom. I've absolutely fallen in love with his laughter, "It's not just the fact that I was able to get you pregnant... in such a short period of time." He tacks on, making me roll my eyes while throwing on an over-sized tee of Lucas'. "But, I don't know what it is, I feel like I need to protect you and our baby more and that makes me feel like more of a man, I just everything that you've given me - I love you so much Riley."

My movements come to a hasty halt, the ferocity and uninhibited honesty that is laced with every letter of his 'I love you', catches me off guard. My mind and heart are begging for me to take a look into his eyes, so I do. Pure, love and adoration... more than I have ever seen glistens in his gaze. Knowing that look is for me is one thing, it makes my heart all warm and fuzzy, but knowing that Lucas feels that way for our baby too, that sends me over the moon.

"I love you, Lucas." With a silent gesture of my head, I beckon him towards me and like the little lovesick puppy he is and always has been, he practically skips towards me. My arms drape around his neck, his snake around my waist so we can be drawn as close together as possible. When normally our bodies would be molded together, my belly blocks that from happening. But nothing can prevent the feeling of love and warmth that radiates off of us.

When I'm in his grasp, I feel as if I can do anything and get through anything.

Our lips press together, gently and passionately and it takes over my entire being. My heart, soul and life belong to this man and with every embrace of him, it only reaffirms, why. The moment my tongue glides across his bottom lip, Lucas groans, it's so manly and guttural, it's almost as if he can't help it and that sends an arrow of heat straight to my core.

"Okay." He whispers huskily, "we have to stop or I won't be able to and though I would love to ravish my gorgeous wife, the will to find out the sex of our baby is stronger."

Though I agree with his statement, I still pout and fishtail braid my hair. Lucas just laughs at my childishness.

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For the nth time today, my hand clamps tightly around Lucas' knee from the bundle of nerves that's gathered in my tummy. I'm not sure if it's our baby or if it's because I truly am nervous. It's 3 minutes past our appointment and I am already about to lose my mind since we haven't been called back yet. "Riley."

Thank God.

Jolting upright out of my chair, I leave Lucas in the dust, and again he laughs at me.

Well, I'm glad I can amuse him. I'm escorted into a dark room, with a bed that is practically screaming my name, for whatever reason I could use a nap, even though I just woke up. The moment I step into the room, my back is pressed against a hard chest. Warm breath fans against the shell of my ear and sends shivers down my spine. "Calm down sweetheart, no need to stress."

The door opens, and the sonogram technician steps inside with a smile on her face. "Good morning, mom and dad." Boy does she have a lot of energy this morning. Greeting her with a polite smile, I proceed to lie on the bed with Lucas' calloused hand in my grasp. Pushing his sleeves up to his elbows - which inadvertently makes him more attractive - he brings my hand up to his mouth, places a tender kiss on my knuckles. A reassuring and incredibly elated look glistens in his gaze and with a small head nod, I turn away. "Perfect Riley, this goo will be cold. Are you two wanting to know -

"YES!" We answer simultaneously. Kudos to anyone who can wait the full term to find out, but I was most certainly not going to be the one to do that.

The technician giggles lightly, adding thermal paper to the printer and grabbing the wand that brushes over my tummy. At that moment, a strong jolt is felt in my stomach, and as if she knows, a sly smile approaches her lips. "Alright mom, seems as if your baby wants you to know as well." She twirls the wand in her hand with a mischievous grin. "Let's find out, shall we?"

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Hello lovelies.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope everyone's day was just wonderful! I'm exhausted and I don't think I've ever had so many issues putting my daughter down to bed. I literally had to sing her to sleep and then when I came out of the bathroom she was laying on my bed... sneaky little thing she is.

Who thinks she's going to have a girl?

Boy?

Do you have names picked out for your future child? I most certainly thought I was going to name my daughter Emma... that didn't work out lol. Our boys name was set in stone pretty early, Hayden Allen Cochran. A girl, well we had it narrowed down to 2 names. Now, these names were picked out before I started watching GMW, just so you know.

Riley Ann Cochran

& Blake Leigh Cochran.

You know which one we chose lol, I like the unisex names for girls and I am not sure why.

Let me know. Love you guys.

XOXO,

Taylor


	5. Chapter 4- Started with a Backpack

My mother smiles widely at me while caressing my stomach. "Oh my goodness, look at you rolling in there." She whispers, a loving look in her eyes as she gazes at the bump that's formed. "Is there a reason why you're wearing a pink dress?"

I just giggle and shake my head no, "Lucas is wearing a blue dress shirt." My words are whispered as my body slumps into the chair. This morning, when we found out the sex of our baby, was exhausting and emotionally taxing. I mean, seriously I napped and let Lucas and my mom handle the gender reveal party. However, she doesn't know what I'm having, only my hubby and I know, which makes everyone incredibly furious. "I've also got a blue headband on, so to answer your question, no, it doesn't mean anything."

My dad sighs, plopping down on the couch and caressing the top of my hand that he's holding. He's gotten better, and after the initial shock wore off he came over to my house with a pair of baby booties, they were adorable. At this point in my pregnancy, he just wants me to give birth to my son that he thinks I'm having.

I'm not saying I have a son, before you get ahead of yourself, but a large majority of the family and friends here are thinking that I'm going to have a boy. We have a board and people leave a tally. "Damn it Josh, I said that she's having a girl. Why do you insist on her having a boy?"

My ears perk up at the sound of their - constant - argument. Yes, this has been a constant argument of their's and it gets very heated, I find it very comical that they're getting so worked up over my baby. My fingers trace small shapes across my belly vicariously why I wait for Josh's response. He's never been able to come up with one, and I doubt he'll be able to do that now, but it is fun to watch him squirm.

"I just - I can have a different opinion." He murmurs under his breath.

"Nope. No you can't." She complains, and I'm starting to think she's the pregnant one. I've been emotional, but I've yet to be irrationally angry. Apparently, I love Lucas more when I'm pregnant. Who would have thought that?

"RILEY!" Craning my head to the left, a grin overtakes my face as Laura saunters towards me looking as beautiful as ever. Embracing me into a hug, she tells me how happy we've made her before moving onto my mother.

"Rodney." Pushing myself off the couch, I give him a large hug, he's a larger man after all. "How are you?"

He cups my face in his hands, a smile overcoming his stubble filled face that I'm sure Laura has given him hell for. "I'm a soon to be grandpa, I don't think I could be any better."

That ladies and gentleman is where Lucas got his charm. "Easy dad." A hand clamps on his shoulder before sidestepping Rodney and showcasing my husband. God, he's so dreamy and just perfect in every way shape or form. "She's going to learn that I don't get all my sweet talking off the tip of my tongue."

I just laugh, and wrap my arms around Lucas' strong waist. Unintentionally I zoned out of the conversation that they were having and glanced around the rented out room that my mother and mother in law had both insisted that we needed for this party. A party that's going to last only a few minutes once we bite into the cupcakes.

I decided to let them do what they want, this was their first grandchild after all so who was I to discourage the spoiling of my daughter or son. "Sweetheart, you need a drink?"

My lips curve upwards, and I shake my head. "I'm fine baby, you want a beer? I can get you anoth -"

"God, I love you."

To get Lucas' cop friends to come, he made it BYOB, and on top of that he was grilling out on the patio. It's a nice touch for a gender reveal party, don't you think? "I love you too." Sighing, my eyes flutter closed once his lips descend upon mine. Warm, and soft just as they always were. Loving and coaxing, both possessively and passionately leaves my mind hazed, yet in a complete whirlwind. I don't know how he does it, I really and truly don't, but I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

My fingers grip at the nape of his neck, tugging gently, silently begging for more but of course, my best friend has to ruin it. "Just so we're clear, there's only police officers here. No firefighters." Her piercing gaze shifted to me, whose cheeks were flaming red. "Let's keep that fire for the bedroom," she winks, leaving me mortified. "Oh please, you're pregnant Riley, don't act like you haven't done the horizontal tango."

Lucas buries my face into his chest once I gasp lightly at her phrasing. She thinks she's so funny... okay she is, but at my expense. "Hey, I love how she's still innocent." My husband tries to help, yet fails somewhat. "And you woman, are tainting."

"DON'T!" I interrupt Maya as soon as she opens her mouth, I will not have her play on his word usage... which again was poor. A wicked smirk becomes apparent before she just waves me off.

"Clearly, you aren't so innocent if you knew where I was going with that."

Jerk.

"Don't listen to her sweetheart." Craning my neck upward, I smile at my husband who has become my life. "I love how your cheeks tinge pink whenever I talk dirty to you, or even when you are turned on and you flush at your thoughts-

"CAKE!" I shout loudly and pull myself away from his grasp. Luckily, I've caught everyone's attention and no one is paying attention to my best friend and my husband who were working together to humiliate me. "Cupcake time. Let's find out what I'm having."

Loud shouts echo off the walls of the room, it could be my imagination but I'm pretty sure that some of the pink and blue balloons shook. Yeah... it's my imagination. Of course, all of this does seem like a dream, how could I be so lucky? "So," Lucas' voice resonates through my ears and pulls me out of my thoughts, "as everyone knows, Riley and I are 20 weeks along." Arms snake around my waist from behind me and hold my stomach protectively. "We found out the sex of the baby this morning and are dying on the inside to tell everyone. Which, I'm sure is the reason that my wife randomly shouted, 'cake'."

That fool, he knows what he's doing. Everyone laughs at his joke, while his smirk gives away his plan. "Anyways, we decided that we along with our parents are going to take a bite of the cupcake first and then the rest of you can devour a cupcake after that." My tummy rumbles at the thought of a cupcake, I've not necessarily been depriving myself of chocolate.

In the slightest.

Okay, not at all.

My goal was to eat healthy and all of that now that I got my appetite back, but the past two weeks, I've been _bad_. Like, really bad. I had my own personal stash of those little Hostess cakes that are too delicious for words. I said had because I ate them all.

In like 3 days.

I still eat lots of fruit

Occasional carrots.

That's how I justify my chocolate craving.

Oh, look at that. Everyone has a cupcake. Snatching one up, I give one languid lick of the icing and holding back a moan in the process. So, so good. "Alright, parents first." I notice Maya frowning, but with a wink from me she digs into the cupcake herself.

Don't judge me, Maya has special privileges.

Squeals. Squeals everywhere.

Blue icing is smudged on my lips after digging in.

Blue icing covers Lucas' teeth as he grins widely when his mother attacks him.

Blue icing covers Maya's small frown that quickly morphs into a smile and Josh saying, "I was right." He won't let her live that down.

My mother tackles me into a hug, my father not far behind her. "EVERYONE! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET, WE'RE HAVING A BOY!" Lucas laughs, his happiness emits from every single pore of his body, I can practically feel it.

And making Lucas happy is everything I could ever want... aside from my baby boy.

"Names?! Do we have names?" My dad asks, his eyes are teary with excitement and that alone warms my heart.

Lucas and I glance at each other before we clasp our hands together. A small nod from him has my stomach fluttering with both nerves and butterflies. "Asher Gabriel Friar."

Chants of our sons name reverberate off of the walls, my tummy goes somewhat crazy with his light kicks. My hands circle my stomach in a loving manner, it's kind of becoming more or less a habit of mine to hold my stomach. Yes, I'm one of those women.

Deciding on a name was difficult, we knew for sure that we wanted him to have Lucas' middle name... I thought it to be cute and Lucas well, he's an arrogant thing and absolutely basked in the glory of not only having the same last name, but the same middle name as our son. In the end it was down to Noah and Asher.

Asher means favorable and, or lucky.

While Noah was biblical, and meant comfort and, or rest.

I couldn't decide, I loved them both, so I left it up to Lucas.

I couldn't be happier with the name.

 _Asher_.

 _Asher Gabriel._

 _Asher Gabriel Friar._

My fingers intertwine with Lucas', my eyes brim with un-shed tears. Tears formed from happiness and love. Love exuding from every single person in this room, whether they're close friends or our wonderful parents.

Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy and excited.

But, I could use a nap.

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"Tighten your core Alissa." I shout over the music, "that's why you're falling out of your double." Currently, I'm standing in the arena and trying to clean a routine for the game in a couple of days. And it just kind of looks sloppy.

Pressing stop on my remote, the music comes to a halt, and confuses my girls. That makes me laugh, "Ladies, I am so aware that it is 7:00 in the morning and you're tired, but I don't care." We all snicker together, until I hold up my hand to make them stop. "Seriously, we won't have to keep running it if we do it right the first time. Give me the best fake smiles; be sharp, and for GOODNESS SAKES, make the double! First formation, from the top."

Practice runs rather smoothly after that, we even got to the point of setting formations for next week.

It was great.

Things got better when my husband called, since I started working half days, he would call me at 10, and then I'd call him when I got home around noon after my drill team class, as well as my dance classes I and II. The new principal was very accommodating this year when arranging the schedules, that way I could get off a little before noon.

I also think he did that so he wouldn't have to pay me full time.

"How are you and Asher this morning?"

A grin curls my lips upward, knowing that I'm carrying our son, means everything to me and I find myself caressing my tummy again just as he kicks. It's such a weird feeling, a human being inside of you. "We're great, just sucking on a fruit smoothie. No added sugar." I chuckle, knowing I need to get my eating back on track. "How're you? Busy morning?"

"If you consider helping move a tree branch off the road, busy? Then no. It's been incredibly slow, not even a paramedic assist." Lucas enjoys paramedic assists, he enjoys having control over a large crowd, since that is what he's there for, crowd control.

"Awe, you poor thing. You'll have to not risk your life today." I quip and step out of my office to go make copies of the contest schedule at the beginning of next year. "Listen baby, I'm walking to the copy room, and I guess it's a bad example to talk on my phone while in school." He chuckles, warming my heart in the process. I wait before walking down the stairs so I could hold the railing with one hand. "I love you."

"I love you sweetheart, be safe."

"You too. Bye."

I groan the moment the dismissal for passing period rings, children can be neanderthals.

I say that as a teacher, and future mother.

Hear that Asher, you have the potential to be a neanderthal. Not if I can help it.

With a sigh, I make my way down the stairs. Stepping carefully and trying not to get shoved by random students whom - I'm hoping - are rushing to get to their next class.

It started with a backpack accidentally being dropped.

I stopped in time to not trip over it.

But the girl behind me didn't notice my immediate halt.

It started with a backpack, and ended with me rolling down the stairs.

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Happy New Years Everyone!

I wanted to push this chapter out so please excuse any grammatical errors and if it felt rushed.

I love you guys,

XOXO,

Taylor


	6. Chapter 5-How Could You?

The feeling of someone stroking my cheek is what begins to wake me from my slumber. That continual freaking beeping, that's what keeps me awake.

However, the flaring pain in my arm, legs and stomach has me fluttering my eyes open.

What the hell happened?

My eyes snap shut when it feels like someone is purposefully shining a light into my eyes. Gosh, that's awful! "Riley?"

My brows furrow together at the sound of my husband's voice, why does he sound so... sad. It breaks my heart. Swallowing the fear, my eyes open slowly to be met with red rimmed green ones that I have fallen in love with so deeply over the past few years. "Riley." He breathes and gently covers my frame with his, so he can hug me, but all that ends too quickly. "Oh, thank God." I hear at the shell of my ear.

"What's wrong?" I croak, which makes him pull away to get me some water.

I see his chin trembling as he passes me some water, but he won't look at me. What did I do?

And that's when it hits me.

Everything.

It all started with a backpack.

By my sharp intake of breath, and my eyes moving from him to the room, I now recognize as a hospital, he seems to notice I remember falling down the stairs. Hesitantly, my gaze flickers towards my stomach.

My now somewhat flat stomach.

"No." Tears pool in my eyes, my breathing comes out in harsh pants before I unintentionally let out a loud scream, that - even to me - pierces my heart. A sob escapes my parted lips when Lucas pulls me into his strong arms in an effort to comfort me.

Gripping his shirt, I bury my face into his chest and cry. I try to move my left arm but to no avail, hesitantly I glance to my arm. Through my tears, I'm able to make out a blurry version of a cast covering my entire arm. "It's okay sweetheart. It'll be okay." I'm not sure if he's trying to convince himself or me at this point, and I hate to say his words are useless, but they are.

I lost my baby.

I lost Asher.

I'll never get to hear him cry, or see him smile. I'll never feel his kicks again, or fall asleep with him in my arms. What color were his eyes going to be? Was he going to look like me or Lucas? There are a lot of things I will never get to do, but the hardest is not getting to be with him. "Riley baby, it's okay. We're going to get through this. We'll get through this like we always have through everything."

I'm not sure how long I cry honestly, it felt like minutes but it could have been hours. At some point, I was shifted into Lucas' lap. "Asher." I whimper and feel his arms tighten around me a little more.

I hear his gulp rather than see it and feel a few tears drop on my forehead. "Baby, he's gone. I'm so sorry, but he's gone."

I start to sob again as the feeling of my heart breaking becomes more apparent. I barely hear the door opening, but my husband's strong voice is something no one can miss. "Get. Out." I do hear the door slam shut.

The only thing I hear after that, is a man and woman mourning the loss of their lost child.

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I had fallen asleep while crying, Lucas and I both had. But the moment I woke up, I started tearing up again, instinctively I reach out to caress my stomach, but Lucas' hand stops me and intertwines our fingers together. "Don't baby, don't hurt yourself more."

Through the closed shades, I can still see the rays from the street lights shining into the room. Get well soon balloons, and sympathy cards along with a few bouquets of flowers were sitting on the counter. "You were out for 28 hours sweetheart." He gulps and places feather light kisses on my bruised knuckles. "You tried to protect him baby, that's how you broke your arm." Swallowing down my sob, I burrow into his chest hoping it would hide me from all the pain, loss and suffering I've caused our family.

"I'm so sorry." His entire body stiffens, I can feel how tense he became after my apology. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect him."

"Don't!" I jump slightly, he all but yelled at me, "don't you dare blame yourself for this. This wasn't you sweetheart." How can he be so consoling right now? I'd be hating me, if roles were reversed. "It was an accident, a horrible, horrible accident. But I can only thank God, that you're safe. If I had lost you too, I don't know what I would have done Riley. When I got that phone call, you have no idea how terrified I was. God damn it Riley, I love you so damn much and I love Asher, and -" he cuts himself off and focuses entirely on breathing, while I stare off into space. The only thing I'm seeing is white. His warm, wet and slightly chapped lips press against my temple over and over again until I'm silently crying again.

My husband and I sit in silence for a few minutes before the question that's been running through my mind, comes to light. "Why can't we catch a break?" My voice is broken, and hardly recognizable. I feel as if I've reverted back to the way I once was. Guarded, scared and... depressed.

Lucas holds me in his lap, though he isn't openly crying like myself, I can feel his shoulders shake as he continues to rub absentminded circles into my back. His heart pounds against his chest, and if I didn't know any better I would assume that it would break free. "It's okay. It's okay sweetheart, let it out."

This time when I woke up, I was lying by myself on the bed. I can hear voices right outside of my door, Lucas' and the doctor I'm assuming. "No intercourse for 6 weeks and -

"Sir, if she were wanting to have another child, how long would we have to wait?" My nose scrunches up at Lucas' question, my sadness slowly turns to anger. Why does he want to replace Asher so quickly?

"We recommend a minimum of 6 months. I - I also have a few pamphlets, it has numbers and a list of books that could possibly help her in this situation."

"She has me." He replies before signing something and stepping back into the room. When he turns back around, he notices my eyes focused solely on him and freezes mid-step, trying to force a smile onto his face. "Hi, sweetheart. How'd you sleep?"

I shrug and pull the blankets over me some more, "we can leave whenever you want sweetheart. I've signed the discharge papers and I have some clothes for you to change into, whenever you're ready." Gulping, I glance down towards the bag he's pointing at. Per Lucas' instructions, we've not had any visitors. Unfortunately, we won't have hospital staff to help prevent intrusions when we get home.

"I don't want to go home." I whisper, and watch as his face slowly falls. "The crib, and clothes -

Lucas shakes his head and reaches out for my hand. His touch is comforting, but the feeling of Asher kicking and rolling around is the comfort that I desire... that I'm craving. "Everyone moved all baby related stuff into the spare bedroom and closed the door."

My tongue darts out to lick my dry lips, "why do you want to replace Asher?"

Lucas brows furrow, his lips form into a frown and part in confusion. "Why would you ever think I would want to replace Asher? Why would you think I would ever want to replace our first born?" My mouth snaps shut, now understanding how ridiculous of a question that really was. "You heard my question outside, didn't you?" Hesitantly, I nod and watch as his eyes pool with tears. "Riley, Asher isn't h-here a-anymore. He's in h-heaven." A sob escapes my parted lips, through my blurry vision, I'm able to make out the tears trailing down his cheeks as well. "He's our first born, always. He's our oldest child and always will be."

"Then why would you want us to try for another one so quickly?"

"I thought that you might," he whispers, inching closer to the mattress. "Sweetheart, you may not one another baby right now, but who is to say in the future you won't want to have one? Asher may want a brother or sister, and who are we to tell our little prince, 'no'?"

A sad grin forms on my lips, "we can't. W-We can't tell him no."

And that's when I start crying hysterically again.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

"Ready?" Lucas holds out his hand, waiting patiently for me to take it so we can go home.

I stopped crying roughly an hour ago, but I'm just waiting for that to start up again. Right now, I'm feeling somewhat numb, and in pain, obviously. I broke my arm, had a few fractures and severe bruising. And even when I'm not crying, my head is still pounding after the beating it took down the stairs. Lucas helped get me dressed, it was difficult with my arm and the fact I didn't even want to look down to be welcomed with my flat stomach.

Hesitantly, I nod and reach out for his hand which he takes immediately. His lips press against mine, just a soft, sweet kiss to remind me how much he cares. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too." I whisper, but prevent him from moving whenever he takes a step forward. "How are you so calm? I - I feel like dying right now, like a piece of me is missing."

Meadow like eyes soften when staring at me before pulling me into a hug. "Sweetheart, I'm anything but calm. I'm devastated, but those 28 hours you were out, I cried and yelled and I was almost kicked out of the hospital." My heart beats frantically at the thought of Lucas not being there to comfort me when I woke up, a selfish thought, I'm aware. "But, I realized that you were still here and I could have lost you too. Even though Asher is gone, we have one another sweetheart."

Because I don't know what to say, I nod and let him escort me out of the hospital. I keep my head down because I know how terrible I look and fall into Lucas' comfort and warmth. I do chance a glance when a door almost hits me.

The word, 'Chapel', is written in white letters across the door and I halt in my footsteps. Lucas is already gesturing for me to go inside. "I'll be out here when you're ready to go."

Swinging the doors open, I'm happy when I see no one else in here. The cushions that are on the pews are empty and beckoning me to sit on them. So I do, on the front row. The various colors of stained glass are barely visible, I guess it's cloudy outside. The rumbling of thunder confirms my suspicion, before I chance a glance at the large cross with a figure of Jesus nailed to it.

I just stare.

Conflicting emotions run through me.

What am I supposed to feel right now? Angry, sad? Devastated?

"Why?" I ask glancing up at the roughly 7 foot cross. I gulp and fiddle with my thumbs, slowly twirling around one another. "I mean, I stood by you after my assault and when I almost died and then again whenever Charlie got out of the mental institution. But, my baby? Seriously?"

I sniffle and wipe my tears, "I've been through a lot in my life and I took it with a grain of salt. I didn't - I never asked for you to end my suffering, I relied on you and hoped in you, I still prayed and wished and quite frankly, I knew you were watching out for me." My devastation slowly morphs into anger once again, "but he was just a BABY!"

With my right hand, I cover my face and sob for a few moments. "What do you want from me?" I breathe heavily and clutch my heart, as once again it feels like it's breaking. "You know what it's like to lose a son and you ripped mine away from me!" I yell, I didn't even hear the doors to the chapel open, I was too busy shouting and crying and trying to relieve this tightened pain in my chest that feels like it could never be relinquished.

"Come on sweetheart." Lucas wraps his arms around me and slowly leads me towards the door.

The last thing I remember was staring straight at Jesus and saying, "how could you?"

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

Okay firstly, I'm so sorry for the late update.

Things are somewhat hectic in my life as some of you know if you follow me on WattPad. Some of you know that I have a low functioning thyroid, and Haschimoto's Thyroiditis.

Well as of recently there was a tumor found in my breast, and I go in for a biopsy on Monday.

And then on top of that, I found out another piece of news that relieved every bit of worry. I'm going to be welcoming baby #2. Coming September 2017! I hope you all can understand why I haven't been posting and stick with me.

Love you guys!


	7. Chapter 6-Choosing to Grieve

"We both have some time off." Shifting my gaze off of my fiddling fingers, I find my husband peeking his head through the bedroom door.

It's been 2 days since I got home from the hospital, and everything still hurts. My arms, my legs and ribs, but the big gaping hold inside of my heart was the most prominent. That was the part of me that held the most pain.

Some women miscarry and have no idea what caused it. I'm lucky enough to not have to go through that. I would constantly question myself on what _I_ did wrong. Did I eat unhealthy? Did I accidentally sleep on my stomach and not realize it? Was I taking the wrong pre-natals? So yes, I was lucky in that aspect. I was also unlucky; unlucky in the fact that if I had just taken the elevator – that was normally reserved for handicap children – or if I maybe, waited until the stairs were clear, then all of this would have been avoided.

Yes, I blame myself, despite what Lucas tells me. How could I not, it was entirely my fault?

Lucas has been great, he's kept people away, since I am in no way ready to socialize with people. We just held a gender reveal party… it can't get more embarrassing than that. I've been kind of hiding out. "You hungry, sweetheart?"

I just shake my head no and wrap the fleece blanket around me, snuggling even deeper into its softness. Mostly, I'm just trying to avoid the saddened look in Lucas' gaze. He says he's lucky, that he could have lost both of us and his life would have been meaningless. Is it bad that I would much rather Asher have lived? I have been alive for almost 30 years, I've lived my life… it was Asher's turn. "How about a shower?"

His goal has been to not leave me alone, if he's around he 'distracts me', prevents my mind from wandering . "Come on beautiful, what's it been? 2 days," he quips with an overexaggerated questioning expression on his face.

Gingerly, he undresses me, unbuttoning his shirt that I stole from him and letting it fall carelessly to the floor. His lips press against mine, tenderly, and no matter how quick it was, I can feel how much he loves me with the small question. My brows furrow whenever he helps me step out of my short, "why?" He frowns, glancing at me quickly before finishing the task and turning on the water. "Why aren't you furious with me? Why don't you hate me?"

Lucas' sculpted jaw twitches with anger, inhaling deeply to calm his emotions, he replies, "we've been through this sweetheart." Stepping forward and towards me, he removes his shirt in that way that only guys can, showing off his impressive chest and abs. I swear he's gotten more attractive with age. "I could never hate you, no matter what the circumstances. I love you more than life itself, I will love you until after I take my last breath." Letting his jeans fall to the floor, his rough hands cup my face. "You are my everything," gulping, he continues, "what happened baby, that was an accident. I know you don't believe that, but that's what it was."

Giving a curt nod, we both step into the shower. His large, bulky arms wrapping around me as the hot streams of water cascade over us. Lucas kisses my temple again and hums in content, "I'm proud of you, you know." Before I can even question him, he explains himself, "you tried to protect him, sweetheart. Some kids were interviewed, the ones that had seen what happened." This is news to me, my brows are knitted together in confusion. Sensing it, Lucas continues, "I made sure they interviewed students. If someone had pushed you, there would have been hell to pay," ah that makes sense. "Anyways, you curled yourself into a little ball, and wrapped your arms protectively around your stomach."

It wasn't enough.

My eyes and nose both burn in an effort to restrain the tears. I can't keep crying, my headaches have been awful already. Lucas' thumb and pointer finger push my chin up so I can stare into his beautiful emeralds, "you're a great mother, Riley. I can't even imagine how much you're beating yourself up right now, and I know that what I'm saying is falling on deaf ears but, it isn't your fault."

The rest of the day is spent in silence, we just cuddle and watch comedies together. Under different circumstances, I would have adored this day.

We fall asleep in one another's arms.

 **GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW**

 **Lucas' Point of View**

I've seen a lot of awful stuff.

I've been side by side social services while evacuating children out of a home that's deemed dangerous. I've seen those kids reaching out, screaming and crying for their mommy's and daddy's.

I've been on crime scenes, and a spouse or family member finds the person they love, beaten or worse.

Obviously, I've seen some pretty awful crap.

But nothing feels can compare to seeing my wife, basically dead inside.

Even in my line of work, I try and avoid every single case that involves injured or worse children. Though I'm in the wrong line of work for that, it still doesn't hurt to try. I just can't help but to think, how parents deal with the loss of their child.

You wake up, and you don't remember. You wake up and for just a few moments you are in this blissful state, where everything is okay. But then you remember, and it's like suffering that loss all over again. I know because I've been experiencing that for the past few days. Luckily, I wake up before my beautiful wife does, so she doesn't have to see the tears I silently shed or the way I stare into the spare bedroom that holds all of Asher's stuff.

I don't want her to see me that way. She needs me to be strong, be strong for her and that's what I'm doing. Riley has been through enough in her life, she needs to grieve properly, or I fear she'll fall into a depression.

That's the hardest part, letting her grieve, her way. How can I help someone who tells me 'she's fine', I'm beginning to hate that word? The hatred I harbor for that word gets worse every time I hear it. Up until this accident, that word never had a double meaning with Riley, she didn't ever use that crazy girl lingo.

After drying my eyes, I crane my neck to get a look at the most beautiful woman in the world. Despite everything, I know how lucky I am, and that's because Riley is my wife. Even with her swollen, puffy eyes and the slight drool falling out of her mouth, she's gorgeous. As silently as possible, my lips press a light kiss to her forehead, before scurrying out of bed. Riley only shuffles for a brief moment whenever she cuddles into the pillow instead.

The house is eerily silent while I move into the kitchen to cook us breakfast. Not even Hoss or Coal bothered to follow me, sensing Riley's sadness, they've been stuck to her hip. Dogs are incredible creatures, and despite the fact they make cuddling with Riley more difficult, I'm grateful for them.

The strong smell of coffee beans wafts throughout the house as it falls into my coffee cup. Since she won't eat anyways, I make cinnamon rolls, the easy route. Once they're popped into the oven, and my coffee is in hand, my feet carry me towards Asher's old room.

It's directly across from our room, we didn't want him far away from us. One wall had a coat of light grey paint on it, in desperate need of another. My focus switches to the hulk hands and iron man shield on opposite side of the wall, a small tug pulls at my lips.

We had planned an Avenger's themed room. It was going to be awesome, maybe someday we can do it again. Though at the present time, it doesn't seem like she wants to even think about another kid, nor will I ever pressure her to have another one. No matter how much I want one of my own.

"Do you think it's my fault," a hushed, broken voice asks. My entire body whips around to glance at my wife with glassy eyes and before I can tell her she's starting to frustrate me with the blame game, she continues. "I mean with Charlie – because of what I did to Charlie." She corrects herself, her chocolate eyes trace around the room before falling to the floor in shame. "Do you think God took him away from me –

Riley's pulled into my chest, my fingers threading in the mess of tangles to prevent her from speaking. "In all the times you've been to church, throughout your entire life of being a God loving woman, has God ever been vengeful?" With her face buried into my naked chest, she shakes her head, shoulders raking with sobs. "No, right? I know that because you would never praise a God who was vengeful. You wouldn't love and respect a God like that, because you are an amazing woman."

Letting her cry into my chest a bit more, I whisper sweet nothings into her ear, my fingers running through her long chocolate tresses. While my other hand holds her tight to my frame, she hasn't asked about the operation she had to have to remove Asher, and I won't bring it up unless she asks. Like right now, she's wincing from the cramps she's going to have for a few more days.

My hand that's in her hair, pulls her back so I can look into her mesmerizing, red rimmed eyes. "We'll get through this, do you understand?" She nods, my thumbs brush across her cheeks to remove the last few tears that are lagging behind the rest. "Go lay back down, I'll bring you some cinnamon rolls and then we'll get ready."

"Ready for what?" She looks so cute, with her brows pinched together. How perfect can a person be? Honestly.

"I'm going to call Maya and Josh over," before a panicked look is plastered across her face, I cut her off, "It's raining outside, it's perfect cuddle and movie weather. It'll be a good distraction for you, sweetheart."

I wouldn't dare call Topanga and Cory over, they're still grieving themselves and my parents left yesterday. Since I wouldn't leave Riley's side, they sought comfort, and got to know one another within the group. Plus, knowing Maya would beat me to a bloody pulp if she weren't the first one over, played a miniscule part in my decision.

After thinking about it for a few moments, she nods, pecks my lips and slightly limps back towards the bed. She shouldn't really be up anyways, but she's too stubborn to allow me to carry her.

Surprise, surprise.

Only after I close and lock the door behind me, do I go into the kitchen, pull out the cinnamon rolls and dial Maya. It's not a big shocker that she picks up on the first ring. "Is she okay? Can we come see her now?"

With a sigh, I tell her yes, "I won't lie and say she's looking forward to company, but you two argue like an old married couple, you'll both be a good distraction." Despite the grumbling from Josh in the background Maya agrees, and is about to hang up, "but I have a few terms to lay down."

"Oo, Officer Friar coming out to play."

Snorting, I brush off her comment, "Asher is taboo. You don't bring it up unless she initiates the conversation. S-She's not ready, and to be honest, I don't think she will be for a while. This whole situation is surreal to both of us, like we'll wake up from a nightmare soon."

There's some sniffling and shuffling around on the other end of the phone, "we understand and we won't say anything about it." Briefly, I hear Josh instruct Maya to go get dressed and only after a good 30 seconds does Josh speak again. "I know this is awful Luke, I'm not going to say I know how you're feeling because I'm not and pray that I won't ever have to. I know that this is a fresh wound, and it doesn't seem real but it has to become real, or it will keep hurting."

That pisses me off, "let's just keep it at you not knowing what I'm going through. You can't rush the loss of a child. Just because we never got to meet him doesn't mean a damn thing, Asher could have been a few weeks old for all I care, but it wouldn't hurt any less." I can hear him trying to interrupt me, but I'm kind of on a rampage now, how dare he tell me to basically get over it. "It's been 4 days Josh, 4 damn days, we will grieve how we want to grieve. And if that entails not speaking of Asher with anyone else for the time being, or hoping that this is a bad dream, than you can damn well deal with it."

"Luke-

"If you can't deal with that, then don't bother coming over."

Taking a few deep breaths, to calm my tears and my raging emotions doesn't do any good. The loss of my little boy is still a fresh wound and the metaphorical band-aid I keep placing over it is doing no good. "Luke, I'm sorry. That's not how I meant it, I'm really sorry." My mouth remains closed, knowing that if I try and speak now, nothing aside from sobs will come out. "I just – seeing you and Riley as broken as you are, is hard for me – for us, but that doesn't give me a right to tell you how to grieve. I'm really sorry, we'll see you within the hour? Is that okay?"

I grunt in reply, and hang up the phone only to toss it on the counter without a care. Silent sobs rake through my body. Happy thoughts run through my mind, a desperate attempt at comforting myself and for the first time since Riley woke up, nothing is working.

Nothing aside from the dainty arm that's wrapped around my stomach and the lips that are pressed against my naked back. "I love you, Lucas."

"I love you, Riley."

"We'll get through this." She whispers, and though I know she doesn't believe it, I do and that's all the comfort I need.

"Yeah, we will."

 **GMWGMWGMWGMWGMW**

 _Hi everyone, so I'm back._

 _My Wattpadian's know what's going on. It wasn't until a few days ago that I realized that my Author's note didn't post on ._

 _I apologize for my absence, I'm really sorry you guys. As most of you know, I had a miscarriage and there was also a tumor in my breast._

 _As you can imagine, I couldn't continue this story after losing my baby, so I needed a small break. I even tried to write something else, but because I hadn't finished this book, nothing I wrote was good. I probably have like 20 drafts of random storylines in my documents, lol._

 _In regards to chapter 5, the tear jerking, emotional chapter that I've come to hate. I want to apologize about that as well, when I posted that I hadn't experienced the loss of a child before. I realize now that I should have put up some sort of warning – because even scenes that aren't physically abusive or sexual can be considered emotionally triggering. So for that, I am sorry._

 _In regards to the tumor in my breast, after a sonogram and a biopsy, it turned out to be benign._

 _2017 has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride already, and not in a good way. But, I'm going to try and make the best of what's left._

 _My goal is to post weekly. Fingers crossed. This chapter alone was really hard to push out, but since I don't like leaving things undone, I knew I couldn't write another story if I don't finish this one off first. So, I am turning this into a short story. With a maximum of 10 chapters, 11 including an epilogue._

 _I appreciate everyone's kind words, and worried messages for those who didn't know why I had taken such a long break. It really made me feel loved and cared for. My husband also says thank you for your support and prayers._

 _I love you guys,_

 _Until Next Time,_

 _XOXO,_

 _Taylor_


	8. Chapter 7-Feeling Guilty

Jealousy is never a good feeling to have.

However, watching Josh and Maya laugh and smile; completely carefree while it is taking all my energy to not cry awakens the ugly green monster.

I've been jealous over a lot of things, envying others for possibly their looks or talent that I don't have. I've even been jealous of women flirting with Lucas, he is a good-looking man, how could I not be? But never, in my life have I been so envious of Josh and Maya's lighthearted spirit at the moment.

But, I don't say anything. Under their smiles, the underlined worry was evident in their eyes, it was a similar look I had received after my assault, and after my surgery. To my luck, it wasn't pity, they were genuinely upset, they wanted to be an aunt and uncle – not near as much as I wanted to be a mother, but they really were looking forward to Asher joining our lives.

Inhaling a shaky breath, my mind once again wants to drift off to the thought of having him in my arms. "It's okay, sweetheart," Lucas breaths into my ear, the arm around my shoulders tightening in a reassuring manner. Shifting my focus off of the attention grabbing taupe wall, my gaze flickers towards my husband, my rock. Lucas continues listening, intently as if he never whispered in my ear at all. It astounds me how he knows me so well.

"So, I'm thinking take out? Pizza?" Maya wiggles her eyebrows, knowing that our favorite and iconic pizza place delivers exclusively to us.

However, "I'm not that hungry, but if you order I might eat later."

I can feel Lucas' frame fold in on himself, I'm eating breakfast and a snack or two, my lack of appetite upsets him. All I truly want to do right now is sleep. Just curl up and try to stay out of reality. "Go ahead and get her favorite. She'll eat later." Maya nods, pulling out her phone and stepping out of the room. Josh follows behind, like a lost puppy dog, apparently she can't order pizza on the phone by herself. My face scrunches up the moment when Lucas reaches out, his hand gripping my chin to look up at his handsome face. "You're mad."

It wasn't a question, but knowing that my anger is misplaced, I gently shake my head. "Yes, you are sweetheart." I can feel my bottom lip poking out and beginning to shake, an early sign I'm about to burst out into tears. He bends down, placing a gentle kiss against my chapped lips and as usual he says, "I have to put it back in its place."

My eyes flicker towards the hallway, she seems to still be on the phone. "I just – I don't understand." His fingers rake through my tangled hair, brows knit together in the cutest look of confusion ever. I take that as my cue to elaborate, "so much has happened to me over the past few years. B-but, oh God, this is awful." I murmur while burying my face into my hands.

"You don't understand why nothing bad has happened to them?" Sheepishly, and basically ashamed, I give a timid head nod. "Oh, my sweetheart." The hand in my hair pulls me flush against his broad and muscular chest. "I love you, more than anything else in this entire world."

My fingers flick my tears away that leave their tracks down my swollen face. Did you know that your entire face could become swollen from crying? That was new information for me. "I love you too, Lucas. But, I think I'm going to go lie down." He frowns, making me cup his cheeks in my tiny hands. "I appreciate you trying to keep me distracted, but I just –

"I know sweetheart."

Leaning up, I press my lips against his before scurrying down the hallway, passing my best friend and uncle who were basically listening in on our conversation. My stomach churns, wondering how much they heard, but I don't stop to ask.

I love them, I don't want to make them mad, I don't want them to think I'm genuinely mad at them.

But, I loved Asher more.

 **Lucas' Point of View.**

Maya and Josh come sauntering back into the living room, Josh's arm wrapped around Maya and her looking towards the ground. By her shaking shoulders, it isn't hard to see that she's crying. What Riley and I have been doing for days. "We didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable." Josh whispers, burying his face into his hands.

My fingers tug my hair, wanting to feel something other than the hurt in my heart. I lost my son, but watching my wife close herself off and pull away from me was disheartening as well. "She doesn't mean it that way. Riley knows her anger is misplaced. She loves you guys – she's just, confused."

Maya's icy blue orbs flittered off of the ground and onto me, tinged a slight pink. "She's gone through a lot, even before Asher." Josh wipes off the tear tracks that had been created, my eyes pool with tears at the mention of my son's name. "Riley stayed strong, letting the world knock her down, only for her to get up with a smile."

"We think that losing him was the last straw," Josh finishes for her.

"She'll be okay," my words try and come off reassuring, but I'm more or less trying to convince myself. In truth, I've never seen her this closed off in my entire life. She's just a shell of the woman I fell in love with, which doesn't make me love her less but I do want the old Riley back. "It's only been four days." I murmur to myself, knowing full and well that the grieving process could last for weeks on end. Even then, I know even I will want to break down and cry, missing the child that I never got to meet.

It's selfish of me to want her back, to want the infectious smile and positive attitude. That 'hey Charlie almost killed me, but things are going to be okay', attitude was one of the biggest reasons I fell in love with her. "You're right," my blonde friend nods in agreement, "she'll be okay. Once she goes back to work and dancing. And," glancing at my partner she grins, "we decided that we're going to Vegas."

Oh, crap.

"Not right now," Josh tacks on, noticing my wide eyed and fearful expression. "We want you and Riley to come, not only to be our witness but our best man and maid of honor. We thought it could be a fun thing for Maya and Riley to do together, a good distraction."

It's solid logic, a distraction was the main reason I brought them here. "It's not that I'm not happy for you guys, and we absolutely want to be there and want to help plan your wedding." Like they knew a but was coming, they were waiting on baited breath, "I have to think of what's best for Riley right now, if you tell her that you two are going to Vegas to be married, she's going to be –

"She would be happy for us, Lucas."

I hold up my hands, surrendering to Maya's abrupt response, "I'm not saying she won't be. But, she was just jealous and angry over the fact you were both smiling and laughing over nothing. So, you tell me how she will take it?" Is my wife's thought process logical? No.

Is it justified? Without a doubt. I love Riley more than anything in this world, no matter how ridiculous or silly it might seem, I will do anything within my power, to make sure that she stays happy. It was what I had vowed to do, "Just give it a few weeks y'all."

I hated asked them to keep their wonderful news to themselves, but if I was slightly jealous that something so great was happening to them, while we just lost our child, how would Riley react?

 **GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW**

It had been 2 weeks.

2 weeks of mostly fake, with the occasional genuine smile. And 2 weeks knowing that we'd never hold Asher. Things had gotten better, Riley went back to work as soon as I did, which I was grateful for. She and I both knew that she couldn't be at home alone, at least if she was working I could get a phone call from a co-worker in case she needed me.

My heart was torn, I wanted her to be at home, grieve and relax. While the other half of me didn't want to see one more tear fall from her eyes. "How is she?" My mom has made it a regular occurrence to call and check on her.

Closing the door to my office, I move back towards my chair and sigh. "I miss her." I whisper, my voice catching with the lump in my throat and burning tears in my eyes.

"I know baby," she breathes, "she'll come back though. It's still a fresh wound. You know she loves you though, right?"

"That's the one thing I'm sure of." Riley has made it no secret that she loves me, and that I'm her rock. "It's almost like she thinks something will happen to me, not that I don't enjoy hearing how much she loves me, but –

"Lucas," my mom cuts me off abruptly, "you don't think that she'd – you know, that she would hurt herself, do you?"

I just shake my head, but knowing that she can't see me, I voice my opinion. "I'm trained to catch things like that," along with the precinct shrinks help as of late, "plus Riley is an incredibly strong woman. You know everything she's been through. Like you said, it is still a fresh wound momma. She just needs more time, but all we seem to do together is cuddle and sleep."

"Son, just be thankful she isn't pulling away." Chuckling, I can't help but agree. "If that woman wants you to cuddle for the next 2 years, you will cuddle for the next 2 years or I will knock you so hard upside the head that you'll be sprouting daisies."

And for the first time in 2 weeks, I'm laughing.

My head thrown back, arm clutching my stomach laugh.

And I felt guilty.

By the time I made it home, it was half past six. A little later than the normal time I would have arrived, but the reaction I will get from the lilies and pizza in my hands would be worth the time I had to spend away from her. I was expecting for Riley to be curled up on the couch, watching a comedy and somewhat smiling at me with her messy hair on top of her head.

But the lit candles well, everywhere and the smell of spaghetti was the first thing that assaulted my senses. I freeze in my step, not quite sure what to make of this. I even remain speechless whenever my wife steps out of the kitchen, a little black dress clinging to her body, ending mid thigh. Gulping, my eyes rake over her form, the small baby pudge was somewhat prominent, but I found that incredibly sexy. She carried a life in there, not just a life, but our child.

I blink several times, shaking my head clear. Whenever nothing changed, there were still candles, the smell of spaghetti and my wife a few inches away from me, dressed in her sexy dress, a giant smile took over my face. A tiny hand rubs against my chest, soothing any sort of stress I had. It felt incredible, her comforting me, if I wasn't careful, the flowers and pizza would fall onto the floor, ruining the moment entirely. "Hi."

Tossing the pizza box on the table beside us, my free hand moves to cup her cheek, delicately stroking her cheek. "Hi sweetheart, you look absolutely incredible." My favorite blush creeps upon her face, "so beautiful." My lips press against hers, and that wonderful feeling floods my veins. Warmth, sparks, the nerves, I relish in every single moment of it. My tongue traces her lips, parting them and enjoying the fresh mint from the mouthwash.

Sighing, we pull away, but not far, just far enough for me to rest my forehead against her own. "I'm not even remotely sure what all of this is for, but God, I can't help but smile. I've missed –

"Us." She whispers, before burrowing into my chest. "I want to talk to you about something."

If the situation was different, if she just hadn't kissed me like, _that_. If she didn't do all of this, dressed like that, I might be worried. "Okay, sweetheart. Whatever you want."


	9. Chapter 8-Feeling Guilty Part II

Lucas scrutinizes my face for a moment, it was completely fleeting before he masked it with a small smile and a curt nod. "Let me change first," he breathes before pecking my lips and sauntering down the hallway. I'm about to turn around to put the finishing touches on dinner whenever he spins on his heels and backtracks towards me.

My brows furrow, until a bouquet of flowers is basically shoved into my face. My favorite, lilies. A genuine smile stretches my lips when I take them in my arms. "Beautiful flowers, for the most beautiful woman in the world." My heart began beating frantically, a feeling that I haven't let course through my veins in 2 weeks.

Whenever he sighs, it's as if a large weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He hadn't seen me genuinely smile in a while. Stepping into the kitchen, I reach up for a vase, filling it with water and placing the flowers into the water once the tips of the stems were clipped. Glancing down at my outfit, my fingers brush against my dress, lightly caressing the excess skin caused from Asher.

My fingers dust a trail over the slight pooch, but my vision becomes slightly blurred. "You look incredible," he reiterates. My focus shifts towards the man leaning against the kitchen entryway. His shoulder resting against the wall, his head slightly cocked to the side in that adorable way he does.

Sucking in my pouting lip, the smile I'm trying to form on my face is more or less a grimace. "It's not that," I know I don't look half bad after being 21 weeks pregnant. He just nods, reaching his hand out to me, signaling that he does understand. Like a puppy, I'm rushing into his arms and hugging him tight.

Rough, calloused hands caress my arms, then rub against my back gently. "You hungry, sweetheart?"

"Yeah." I nod, wiping away the few stray tears. "Go sit babe, I'll get you a plate." Glancing up into his entrancing green eyes, my heart begins to speed up. It never fails, every moment I look into his eyes, the amount of adoration and love that is visible and apparent in them becomes overwhelming. And per the usual, I can't hold his gaze.

He smirks, knowingly before meandering into the kitchen. Hurriedly, I am piling spaghetti, salad and garlic bread onto his plate. After grabbing a beer from the fridge, I pop it open and place both items on the table. The moment I make a move to step away, one of his arms wrap around my thighs. Snapping my head into his direction, his free arm roams over my backside. Technically, after my follow up appointment, I was cleared to have sex again, but I'm not – "I'm just admiring," he interrupts my thoughts. Lucas always knows what I'm thinking, it's hard to believe I'm that much of an open book.

Once he's fully groped my ass, I make my plate and sit beside him at the table. His hand constantly runs against my thigh, squeezing reassuringly whenever he can tell I'm zoning out. "What'd you want to talk about, Riley?"

I hate it when he calls me Riley, even my face begins to frown in disdain at his words. My fork clanks against my plate, whenever I let it go. "Um," my stomach twists almost painfully, "I laughed today."

The surprised features across his face is quickly masked by a passive and blank face, his cop look. "And you didn't want to?" He drags out, questioningly.

Shrugging, my thumbs twiddle sheepishly in my lap, and that becomes the most interesting thing in the world. "I-I don't know. I felt guilty,"

"I laughed today too."

That makes me happy. I want him to smile, laugh and be the happiest man on the face of the earth. "Good."

"I felt guilty, too."

I shake my head, already telling him 'no'. "You have no reason to feel guilty, I want you to be happy. It wasn't – nothing that happened was your fault."

The hand on my thigh, flicks my chin upwards to face him. "You have no reason to feel guilty." He repeats, his eyes hard. "Nothing that happened was your fault." I feel like this conversation is getting nowhere, Lucas just keep repeating my words. He whips his hand away from my face, I'm assuming he's not enjoying the passive look against my face. "I'm going to start spanking your ass." My eyes become as wide as saucers, "I'm serious," he murmurs through gritted teeth. "Anytime I think that you're blaming yourself, I don't care where we are, I'm bending you over my knee and you're getting spanked."

His words, in any other situation might actually turn me on. However, today, in this situation they only serve to piss me off. "I CAN GRIEVE HOWEVER I WANT TO!"

Following my motions, he stands back up, towering over me with that frustrated glint in his eyes. "You can," he says deathly calm, "you can get mad, be sad, cry, scream, or hit, I don't give a damn." Lucas takes a step forward, his white clad tee shirt hugging his chest – that is now pressed against me – deliciously. "But I won't tolerate you thinking that what happened with Asher was your fault."

"You won't _tolerate_ it?!" I push him back, to give me a little breathing room.

"No, I won't." He snaps, before taking a swig of his beer, sitting back down and eating as if we weren't just yelling at one another. Well, I was yelling at him and he was talking in that calm, intimidating cop voice he has. "You can grieve for the rest of your life, if you want and I will be there. I will hold you, hold your hand, kiss you, and buy you flowers every day while you do so. I will love you every day for the rest of my life, it's not only what I vowed to do, but something I desperately want and need to do. But, I can't see you blame yourself for what happened to Asher every day for the rest of our lives. I can't and I won't."

Finally, he makes contact with my teary eyed face. Surprisingly, he doesn't make a move to wipe my face dry like he had done for the past 2 weeks. "My folks, would spank me to prevent me from doing things they didn't think were right." Shrugging casually, he sips his beer, swallows and narrows his eyes, and stares at me incredulously. "That's what I'm going to do to you."

And he continues to eat.

I'm pretty sure I'm looking like a dead fish at the moment.

Did he – What – How – and for whatever reason I settle on, "Who do you think you are?"

His movement stills, and with another loud clang the fork drops to his plate. The chair scrapes against the hardwood floor and I'm taking a step backward. I don't think I've ever seen him so mad, and it was then that I realized I may not have said the right thing. I would also be lying if I were to deny how attractive he looked at the moment with his jaw clenched and hard eyes staring down at me. "I'm your damn husband, Riley." Oh no, my name. "The only thing that matters in my life, is your well-being. I'm doing this for, you!" Just when I think he's about to start yelling, all he does is push his chair in and leaves the dining room.

I'm basically frozen in my spot. What just happened? And how did I end up by myself, with lit candles and 2 plates of food on the table? This wasn't how I pictured tonight going, not even in the slightest. I was going to try and promise to do better, I was going to work on smiling, simply to make him happy and give him room to grieve. Since, unfortunately he hasn't gotten a chance to.

I'm not sure how long I just sat there, trying to process everything that I did wrong, because I know without a doubt it was 100 percent my fault. Whenever I finally process all my faults, tears spring into my eyes. Why'd I have to go and piss off the one person who has been there for me, with no complaints, and no expectations? The burning sensation is finally relinquished when I blink and let the tears fall down my cheeks. With shaking hands, I reach out, grabbing the plates to put away.

After placing them in the sink, I rub my chest, right where my heart is. I can't help but scoff, like that could relinquish the pain, I think sarcastically. Clutching the edge of the sink, with my hair behind my shoulders, I try and sob quietly. That seems to be the only thing that helps nowadays.

I miss Asher kicking.

I miss when he would roll, even if it was just a little bit.

I miss my belly. And on instinct, my hand touches my stomach.

Shaking my head clear, and pushing away the thoughts, I start to clean the dishes when the familiar sound of the shower turns on. "Stupid, Riley." I grumble under my breath. Lucas is the most level headed man I've ever met. Honestly, it takes a lot for me to make him mad and I don't think I ever really have. He's hated my actions, which goes without saying. Again, I'm having to pull myself out of my thoughts, and the second I do, a pair of strong hands grip my hips, pulling me away from the sink.

Silently, I comply and let him basically lead me towards what I now know is the bathroom. Without a word, his fingers tug at my zipper. I close my eyes, relishing in the feeling of my husband's gentle, yet rough tough, which goes to show he's still a little frustrated. "Step out," he grumbles when the dress is pooled at my feet and I do what he says, not wanting to anger him further. The callouses that I'm so familiar with, leave a trail of relaxation as they make their way back up to my panties. "Step out," Lucas demands once again before moving back up and finally making eye contact with me.

With a quick snap, my bra tumbles to the floor with the mess of unwanted clothes. Lucas' chest is already bare and without breaking eye contact he steps out of his basketball shorts and briefs. Feeling somewhat ashamed about the way I acted earlier, I can't keep eye contact and luckily I don't have to.

We're stepping inside the steaming walk-in rain shower. Warm water cascades down my body, relaxing every single muscle inside my body. Lucas and I haven't taken a shower together since – everything. So when I feel his grip on my shoulders, lathering up my body wash, my fingers itch to stop him.

Biting into my lip to prevent me from doing so, I hold out until they fall from my breasts and blaze a trail towards my stomach. I shake my head with his wrists in my grasp, tears pool into my eyes at the memory of him lovingly caressing my baby belly and talking to Asher. "Let go," he says deathly calm, and if I didn't know how loving and caring this man is, that tone of voice would terrify me. "Now."

Sobbing, I drop the grip and let him roam his hands over my tummy. I don't notice him on his knees washing my legs, or lathering my hair up and conditioning it, I'm too distracted at what we've lost. I assumed he's finished when his pointer finger lifts my chin up, his eyes are tinted pink, like he's been crying. That thought makes my heart clench, I'm being so selfish. "I'm your husband, Riley." I nod, knowing he's looking for affirmation. Lucas wants to make sure there's no miscommunicating, evident from the firm grip on my chin and pleading gaze in his eyes. A contrast to the tense look on his face, "I take care of you." Nod. "I do what's best for us as a married couple." Nod. "Let me be clear, I'm not upset with you grieving. I'm upset that you are blaming yourself for this _accident_. Because that's what this was, an accident." Reluctantly I agree, knowing he would follow through with his promise earlier. "Grieve. Be sad, and you can even be angry, that's okay and normal," for the first time Lucas is openly crying in front of me. Sure, I've caught him crying. I've caught him staring into Asher's would be room, but he'd hurriedly flip his emotions around when he'd realize I was there.

"W-We've lost a lot, Riley." I nod frantically, "we've lost our child. Just because we never got to hold him, doesn't make a damn difference. We've lost our baby, but that in no way is your fault. Do you understand me?" Agreeing, I reach up and wipe his face, which is pointless since we are in the shower.

Lucas falls into my hands, absorbing my touch, which somehow makes me love him more. I didn't realize it was possible. "As your husband, as the man who has vowed to love and take care of you through better or worse, I will not ever do anything to intentionally hurt you." My brows furrow, I'm not quite understanding what he's saying. "Which is why, we're going to church on Sunday."

I'm about to protest, I'm not ready for all the questions, I'm not ready for the women who invasively caressed my stomach to give me questioning looks. Noticing my protests, I hear the loud 'THWACK', before the stinging sensation on my butt becomes prominent. "Do you believe I won't do anything to intentionally hurt you?" I nod while sniffling, despite the fact he just spanked me. "Do you trust me as your husband to take care of you and make you feel better?"

"Y-Yes," I answer meekly avoiding those gorgeous green eyes of his.

"Then don't argue with me, because I love you more than anything else in this world."

And he sealed that promise with a kiss.


	10. Chapter 9- Revealing & Revelations

A/N: So, this chapter has quite a bit of talk about religion. I believe in God, I'm a Christian but, in no way am I trying to push my religion on you guys. That being said - though I hate that I even have to say this - there won't be any sort of hateful/rude/bashing comments regarding any sort of religion. I am literally typing up my experience in losing my baby, so I might get defensive. I'll either comment, or just delete it because I don't have time for that nonsense. Lol. I have never had an issue before, but I've also never gone this in depth. Love you guys, XOXO!

 **Chapter 9**

True to his word, anytime my mind took a wrong turn whenever it came to Asher, Lucas was there to spank me. At first, it did nothing but piss me off, I was a grown ass woman for crying out loud. However, as the next few days passed, it became increasingly obvious that Lucas was enjoying this, especially the light caress after the fact.

I tried to fight it the first two times, which earned me an extra spanking that actually hurt. I've never been spanked this much in my life, and Maya found it extremely humorous. "It's not funny," I growl out, my brows furrowed and jaw set.

She nods, wiping her crystal blue eyes clear of the 'tears' that she doesn't have. "Yes, yes it really is," Maya takes a few deep breaths and a sip of her iced tea before coming to her senses. "I'm sorry, Riles. But, he took you to the bathroom at dinner last night to spank you." Groan, that was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever had to be involved in. "But, if he waited to spank you later, than you wouldn't have learned your lesson."

Taking a bite of my pasta, my face turns into a grimace. "I'm not a dog, or a toddler. I remember what it is I've done wrong."

"He just wants a reason to touch your ass that won't quit, Riles." I don't acknowledge the compliment, but continue to eat and think over the past few days. Work was a wonderful distraction, throwing myself into dancing and working out was just what my mind and body needed. Though it was still difficult with the lingering bruises and casted arm, but I pushed through, using the pain as fuel to push me harder.

My mind was cluttered though. I couldn't concentrate on choreography, and if I did, it looked thrown together and messy. I would end up having to restart the entire thing from scratch, and in the end I only had 20 rough drafts of a few 8 counts. It was pointless, and infuriating. My captain and officers have stepped up, filling in where my mind just refuses to go. It's easier to change, add or remove a couple of moves rather than create a whole new dance.

The spanking, isn't going anywhere, no matter how much I tried to fight it. There is no point, and when in our home, I enjoyed it. I'm just glad 'I've been good' around my dad, or he would quite literally die of a heart attack. Lucas says that it has been helping, and if I count the amount of times I've been spanked, I admit that the punishments have dwindled. Though, I attribute that to more time rather than the behavior being punished out of me. But, at this point I will do whatever to make Lucas smile and be happy.

"How was church?" I had been waiting for this question, and from the timid, almost reluctant way that my best friend asked, it was evident she was afraid to ask. It's no secret that I'm a little ticked at the deity above. After everything that I had been through, and endured, my faith was strong, I knew that God had a plan for me. Not once did I ever question it.

Then Lucas came along and married me. If I thought that was incredible, then nothing could compare to Asher.

To my baby boy.

"I didn't want to go," I said, and watched as the light in Maya's eyes dulled. "I was so mad, you know. After everything with Charlie ended, I thought that life would be – not necessarily smooth sailing, but smoother." Laughing humorlessly, I continue, "I thought that this was God's punishment for what I did to Charlie. Which made me even more angry, because what is this world when it is short a man like Charlie Gardner? Why should I be punished for ridding the world of a demon like him?" Even though it was never my place to be the judge and jury.

Maya listened intently as I spoke, soaking up every single word. It was moments like these that I knew I couldn't have a better best friend in my life, I'm so glad she forced me to be her best friend when we were children. "I digress, church was church. I wasn't oblivious to the sympathetic glances, and everything like that, everyone knew because no one even made a move to touch my belly." Flicking off a few tears that I had let fall, I let my hair become a curtain around my face. "No matter how invasive, I missed it, I genuinely missed being touched by members of our church that I had never met." We both laughed together, I hope she'll never know how true what I just said is. "And per the usual, the sermon was somehow catered towards me. Of course, it wasn't planned out like that. Lucas swore that he didn't inform the pastor of my troubles, and I believe him."

Once again, Maya is timid whenever she asks, "what was the sermon about?"

Smiling to myself, my fingers fiddle with the napkin in my lap. "How the devil works in our lives to turn us against God. Though you may not be able to see the devil, he's there in spirit and capitalizes on moments of weakness. And boy, have I been weak," I try and joke.

"You've been hurt," she corrects and somehow admonishes at the same time. "Being hurt and being weak aren't the same thing."

"They feel extremely similar. No matter, God isn't a vengeful one. He isn't going to go out and take my baby because of what I did to Charlie." In an effort to calm my nerves, and the burning sensation behind my nose and eyes, I take a sip of water. Relishing in the cool liquid as it falls down my throat.

From the small expression on Maya's face, I knew she was happy about that. I was the one who introduced her to church after all, she didn't go religiously like I once did, but was always my partner in crime when I didn't want to go by myself. "So, you got all of that after one, one hour sermon?"

My lips curl upward, "no." I answer without a hint of reluctance in my tone. "I spent the rest of the day bible studying with Lucas."

"Like riding a bike," she quips. Her fingers tuck a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

Nodding in agreement, I take one more deep breath. "I'm not stupid enough to think that this will ease my suffering. It still hurts, I still have nightmares of tumbling down the stairs and waking up," again I'm taking a drink to try and swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. "But," I draw out, "it's only been a few days since I bible studied all day and I feel a bit lighter. It was apparently a huge burden weighing down on me, picking a fight with the great deity above." We both laugh, and wipe away the few tears. "Lucas told me that God is just holding onto Asher for us, until we are ready to see him again. It's supposed to be reassuring and in ways it is –

"But you want him."

Shrugging, "I'm selfish. Asher is in a beautiful place called heaven, and I want him with me on earth."

"You aren't selfish, you are a mom."

Not anymore.

As soon as I think that, it's gone. Unfortunately, Maya catches it. "I'm telling Lucas."

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" I shout, while running around the sofas that reside in our living room.

Lucas frowns, before leaping over the love seat and bounding over the coffee table. My husband is a ninja. Hands sneak around my waist, squeezing, just so I'll know he caught me.

Jerk.

"It doesn't matter, I told you what would happen if you were to think that way –

I press a finger to his lips, preventing him from speaking any more, giving me time to defend myself. "I wasn't blaming myself," his beautiful eyes narrow accusingly. Knowing he'd find it harder to believe, I know I'm going to have to explain further.

However, even after the entire explanation, I'm still being bent over Lucas' knee lightly laughing at the ridiculousness that is my husband.

Knowing that when things get rough, that my husband is there, not only as a shoulder to lean on, but as my only source of happiness, is one of the most incredible feelings in the world. Lucas is the most selfless human being in the entire world, and I love him more than I can possibly say. And knowing I needed to voice said thoughts, I plop myself down beside him after getting two spankings and adjust my shorts since he tried to pull them down in order to get the 'full effect' of my punishment.

Perv.

"Lucas," reaching up with my good hand I turn his face to look down at me. Amusement dances in his eyes while gazing at me. "Thank you for everything."

A soft smile curls his perfect lips, before they find themselves planted on my forehead and then my cheek. Slowly, they slide towards my ear while I'm burying my face into his neck. "I wish I could take all of your pain away, sweetheart," he breathes into my ear. Shivers are sent straight down my spine at the husky way he speaks. "I know I can't do that, and I also know that we will always love and miss Asher. But, you have no idea how happy it makes me to see you smiling again. Even if – sometimes – you might feel guilty about it."

I always feel guilty about it, "I'm getting better though. I try and prevent those thoughts from sneaking in before they settle and camp out permanently."

He nods, before pressing another kiss to my cheek.

Unfortunately, before we're able to capitalize on our time alone and kiss my lips, the sound of someone trying to open the door startles us both. Lucas frowns, reaching for the gun that is still on his hip from work whenever someone begins to bang, and ring the doorbell frantically. "Stay here," he whispers while heading towards the front door.

"RILEY!" Maya? "I NEED YOU, PLEASE!"

Jumping into action, I'm rushing towards the door and unlocking it in haste. Ignoring Lucas' pointed glare, I am wrapping my arms around a crying and scared looking Maya. My husband, noticing the terrified expression on her face, pulls his gun back out and steps outside to look around. "Hey, you okay? Is someone after you?"

Call us paranoid, but can you really blame us? She just shakes her head, that's buried into my neck and holds me tighter. "Riley, I don't know what to do."

My hand caresses her back, soothing her gently. Lucas flashes me a sympathetic smile before retreating to our bedroom to give us some privacy. I'm so blessed to have him. Moving us towards the couch, I leave her alone to get her a glass of water, she always drinks water whenever she cries. "I'm sorry to come over here, I know you have your own problems." I'm already shaking my head to admonish those thoughts whenever she continues. "Riley, I know I shouldn't bring this to you. You've been through so much in the past month and I don't know why I'm here – I am just so scared and I don't know who to talk to. I – I need help."

My heart aches for my best friend, her nose is pink, and her eyes are red rimmed. It breaks my heart to see her this way, is this how Maya has felt? I don't want her to ever feel this way again. "Maya, please don't think that I won't want to be there for you." Leaning forward, my arms incase her into my embrace. "I will always be here for you, but I need you to tell me what's going on. Okay? I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

Maya breaks down once again, but I'm able to make out 2 words that make me want to curl up into a ball and cry until I have no more tears left. "I'm so sorry, Riley. I know I shouldn't be here telling you this." My entire body seems to have frozen.

How am I supposed to feel about this? "Riley, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me," she whimpers, snuggling closer into my arms. "But, I am. I'm pregnant."


	11. Chapter 10-Night Talks & Tangle of Limbs

I'm happy for her.

I am.

Am I overwhelmingly jealous? Without a freaking doubt.

My arms still hold her tightly to my form as she sobs into my chest. While my line of vision is flooded by the image of my devastatingly handsome husband, who is peaking out his head from our bedroom. From here I can see the flood of his tears pooling within his eyes, that are downcast and staring at my best friend. I shush her lightly, in hopes that Lucas wasn't eavesdropping and he just hates seeing her so sad.

It was a lost cause, I'm aware. But, after everything that we've had to go through the past few weeks, and how strong he had been for me, it was my turn to be strong. This was a devastating blow for him, I could see it written plain as day on his face.

Underneath the pure pain carved into his features, jealousy lingered underneath. "Maya, have you told Josh?"

Hiccupping a few sobs, she gingerly shakes her head no. "Okay," I murmur, not quite knowing exactly how to handle this delicate situation. Inhaling a shaky breath, I follow my instincts. I need to be happy for my best friend. Just because I had lost Asher, didn't mean her news was any less exciting. If I can't be a mommy right now, I'll settle for being an auntie. "Let's call Josh, huh?" I offer with a small, tight lipped smile on my face. If her eyes weren't so puffy, she may be able to see how forced it was. But, I'm trying.

"C-Can we text him, please?" Knowing he would freak out if he were to hear Maya's sobs, I nod in agreement. Less drama, the better, I'm just avoiding her dramatic entrance. While she's following through with texting her fiancée, my gaze flickers towards the man who hasn't so much as moved. That includes his eyes that are still glued to the same spot Maya was sitting at.

Rising off the couch, I'm striding towards him from across the room. Like he had seen me coming or felt the movement he's pulling me into his arms within seconds. A shaky breath escapes past his lips while hugging me tightly. "I love you," I whisper, "if you need to hide out in our room, or need to leave that's okay. Everyone will understand." I murmur, soothingly stroking his back. "But, I have to be here till Josh gets here. I-I have to let her know I don't hate her."

Lucas inches back, then tilts my head up to stare at his red rimmed eyes. Strong, calloused hands reach up to cup my face, "how?"

Knowing his question, I give him the same smile I had given Maya. "Because it's my turn to be strong. Because I have to be." Leaning in, I peck his cheek and lightly usher him into our room, promising I'll be in, in just a few moments.

Turning back into the living room, I'm caging every single emotion inside of my body. If I weren't a dancer, and had been used to having total control over my body, then I would look more like a robot. Luckily, Maya doesn't notice but asks, "Do you hate me?"

Frowning, I sit beside her and rest my head against her shoulder. "I could never hate you, Maya and you know that," I whisper, slightly admonishing her. Deciding to not mention how torn I am between jealousy and happiness, we remain sitting in silence.

Josh had texted 10 minutes ago that he was on his way, and from her tense muscles, I gathered she had something she wanted to say. "Maya, you and I tell one another, everything. I don't know what you want to say, but don't hesitate to tell me."

"I'm sorry," she's rushing out and pulling her hands away from mine to go back into a crying fit. "I shouldn't have come here. I – I knew what you guys were going through and I absolutely despised myself for getting pregnant. I just reacted, and drove straight here from the drugstore. How awful is that? That I hate myself for getting pregnant?"

I'm shaking my head, fighting the urge to smack her on the side of the head. "You don't despise getting pregnant. You despise mine and Lucas' situation."

"What?"

Maya mumbles a few curse words under her breath, her back straightens sharply at the new voice that entered the room. "Maya, what did Riley just say?"

Giving my best friend a nod of encouragement, she stands upright and faces her fiancée. Josh is grinning widely while watching the love of his life, until he sees her tears. Something within him clicks. Josh seems to register Maya's tears, then where he's standing. His eyes flicker towards me, apologies pouring out from one quick look.

I just shake my head, "be happy you two. This shouldn't be about how Lucas and I are feeling but how wonderful the next part of your lives are going to be."

 _Just be careful._

Josh nods before rushing into Maya's arms, with a Cheshire grin on his lips. Deciding that now was the best time to evacuate, I'm meandering towards our bedroom. Twisting the door knob, I squeeze through and lean against it to get it to close. Letting my form relax, a deep sigh escapes me. Glancing towards Lucas, who has fallen asleep on the bed, I let myself slide to the floor.

Silent sobs rake my shoulders. With Maya in the living room, and my husband sprawled out on our bed, sprawled out from exhaustion, I let myself grieve for just a little bit longer.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

I'm not quite sure what exactly happened. I remember falling asleep on the floor beside the door. My eyes shift towards the alarm clock on my bedside table and frown. It's eleven o'clock at night. What happened with Maya and Josh? Where's Lucas?

Throwing the covers off of me, I'm not surprised to find him watching 'Snapped' in the living room. I swear he could binge watch this show if I were to let him. That wasn't surprising, the pint of ice cream in his hands was. "You shouldn't sleep on the floor, sweetheart. You have a broken arm, and you'd be sore the next day." He admonishes lightly, nothing but love, adoration and care wrap around every single syllable. It's incredible to me, how much he loves me. How even him speaking to me, reveals that.

"Thank you for putting me to bed."

"I'll always take care of you."

Nodding with certainty, I move towards the couch when he silently beckons me over. "I'll always take care of you too, Lucas."

"I know, sweetheart." Once I'm comfortably cuddled into his side, he offers me a bite of ice cream that I take eagerly. "Every day I come home, and see how clean the house is, or smell how delicious dinner will be, or even when I look in my closet and see clean clothes, it reminds me of how good you are to me."

That's sweet and all, but, "I'm hoping I take care of you, aside from the 'dutiful housewife'."

Lucas chuckles, the familiar butterflies come to life within me. "Of course you do," he pecks my temple, letting his lips linger against my skin while speaking, "like earlier. You handling Maya while I camped out in our room. You're an incredible woman."

"It hit you hard, I could tell."

He scoffs, before spooning a ridiculous large bite into his mouth. "I was pissed, sad and jealous all in one. Sad and jealous for obvious reasons. But, why in the hell would she come here first? Dramatic, banging on the door and throwing herself at you like that? After everything you had been through –

"We." I interject.

He nods, "we had been through. What was the point in doing that? Josh should have been the first person she had told. They should have come here together and told us, calmly." He tacks on.

"I agree," I whisper, "she probably shouldn't have come here first. But would it have made a difference, the blow I mean? Whether or not the situation was calm with Josh, or frantic with Maya banging on our door, would it have changed how much it hurt?"

Sighing, he frowns. Those adorable wrinkles marring his perfect face, "I guess not," he mumbles dejectedly. "She still shouldn't have done it that way though."

"She apologized."

Giving me one last bite of ice cream, he sets it down on the coffee table and pulls me into his lap. Heavy hands roam over my thigh while I'm resting against his shoulder. "Josh texted me, saying he wanted to talk to me tomorrow. I'm sure it has something to do with their baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. I remember when I found out, how excited we were."

"It took everything inside of me to not tell you. I wanted to run and jump into your arms and scream at the top of my lungs that I was pregnant. Stupid Pintrest gave me different ideas."

Lucas laughs that deep baritone laugh, his hand caressing my stomach delicately. "Will you want to try for another one?"

Rubbing my chest, right above my heart, I nod. Lucas muscles – that I hadn't even realized were tense – relaxed instantly. I wouldn't ever deprive him of being a father, he'll make an amazing one. "Asher will always be with us. And no matter how happy I am for Maya, and to become an aunt, I want to be a mother more. I want to hold our baby, made from love and I want to look at him or her and point out what features belong to your or me." Lucas is grinning from ear to ear while listening to me ramble, "I want to see you be a dad, Lucas. I want to watch you have tea parties with our little girl or coach our boy's baseball team. I want you to beat up the boys who break our daughters' heart, or give our son silent praise after getting into his first fist fight." He laughs deeply, throwing his head back and shaking it lightly. "Though, I can't say I won't give him a pat on the back either."

Lucas leans in, hesitantly. Getting tired of him treating me like a glass doll, I groan and press my lips firmly against his. And just like that, within our tangle of limbs, also known as, love making, I knew things were going to be okay with us.

Not just Lucas and I.

But, between God and myself.

Between Asher and my heart.

I know I'll never be able to replace him. Asher, is my first baby.

But, he'll want a little brother or sister sometime in the future. And when we decide to have another baby, I know he'll be watching and looking out for his sibling from up above. He won't let what happened to him, happen to our next baby.

I just know it.

A/N: HI! This is something I typed up real quick, unedited. Also, this is the last chapter before the epilogue. After, I am going to give you a sneak peek of what my next work will be. After 20 rough drafts - not kidding - I decided on one to continue. Love you guys. XOXO Taylor


	12. Epilogue

"HAVE FUN WITH IT!" I shout rather loudly from the front of the gym.

My girls cheer, prepared for the new and super fun hip hop routine I choreographed. It's the end of May and our spring showcase is finally over along with all of our contests. With nothing to do, aside from working on technique and working out, why not learn a quick and fun routine.

I smiled widely, watching their Cheshire grins overcome their faces.

Being able to choreograph again was overwhelming and extremely refreshing, considering it is my livelihood. Inhaling deeply, I lean my back against the bleachers and get lost in my thoughts – in everything that has happened this year.

Maya is doing wonderfully, literally, she is in perfect health and was ready to pop last week. Now, with a week overdue, I should be at her beck and call. However, her mood swings can go from hot to cold within a matter of minutes and since I'm not as large as she is, her anger tends to be directed towards me. The only person she's nice to is Josh, and that's pretty much pushing it. She made her mother cry, not intentionally – well, that may be a lie. Maya could have kept her mouth shut if she didn't like her food. Speaking first hand, morning sickness can be the worst thing in the entire world.

Josh is running for constable of our county, all the while taking care of his pregnant wife. He wanted to be out of danger as much as possible for Maya's and their boy's sake.

Yes, they are having a boy. That didn't bother me too much. However, when Daniel Asher Matthews' name was announced. It was hard to stop from crying, I even barricaded myself in my home for a weekend. I told Maya how much I adored it before I basically sprinted out of the baby shower, it was just too overwhelming for me to stay. Maya understood, and cried for me.

Even after almost 10 months, my heart still aches for my Asher. Though they're few and far in between, and somewhat fleeting now, the memory of my swollen belly and his persistent kicks come forward on occasion. I've learned though, that I don't want to forget. I want to remember Asher, no matter how painful because he is our first born.

Speaking of our, Lucas is just as loving and incredible as he always has been. It's still incomprehensible how much he adores me, but 'I have to get used to it', at least that is what that incredulous man tells me. My little hero hasn't given up his job as a police officer, and no matter how much I want to, I won't ever ask him to stop. Lucas saved me so many times, not just my life but my soul and my heart. What kind of person would I be if I were to deprive anyone of his heroic duty? Of course, he'd just be saving people's lives.

He better not be saving any hearts or souls.

 **GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW**

"Come on," Lucas whispers in my ear, lightly tugging my lobe through his teeth. Giggling lightly, I place my hands on his chest and press my lips to his, finally giving in.

I can feel him grinning against my lips, son of a biscuit eater won. Let's just back up, Lucas is not even remotely deprived, emotionally or physically. However, it is 2:14 in the damn morning and we were trying to go to sleep. It just so happened to be one of those nights where we are up all night. Lucas got bored rather quickly of trying to sleep and began 'persuading me'.

He's good.

Warm lips press against my jaw line, his teeth scraping slightly, eliciting a few moans from me. His hands begin to roam, but are interrupted by my cell phone ringing. My first thought is Maya, and Josh – she was about to explode anyways – however, it isn't their ringtone and I am in no mood to stop this. "Ignore it, sweetheart."

His whispers send a chill down my spine while I'm desperately clawing at his shirt. Why the hell is he even wearing a shirt? Jerk. Finally, the ringing dies only to start back up again. Lucas groans, which somehow also turns me on and starts to pepper kisses on my neck and collarbone, stopping a few times to tug while I'm reaching for my phone. "Make it quick," he demands before kissing my skin again.

"Hello."

"RILEY FRIAR!" Oh God. Katy. "YOUR BEST FRIEND IS GOING INTO LABOR! YOU SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR A PHONE CALL AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND ANSWER IT!"

Oh goodness. "Katy, calm down and breathe please." I can hear her breathing in and out over and over before a sigh escapes her lips. "I know you're excited and overwhelmed, but everything will be okay and soon you will be holding your grandson in your arms." When she squeals I know I've made her happy, however my husband is now brooding with an erection the size of Texas. "We'll be there in 15 minutes, maybe sooner if Lucas will let us use his cop car."

Immediately he is shaking his head while getting out of bed. Bidding goodbye, I'm sliding on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt begging to take his police car. "Baby," Lucas breathes and turns around to face me as we're headed towards the front door, "I love you more than life, but no." Smile dropped. "We are not taking my car, we will take the truck and you will not utter one more word about it."

Parting my lips to protest just one more time, a sting is felt on my back side.

Spanking has become more frequent, Lucas really loves it. "Not a word. Consider this your punishment for us going to the hospital when things were getting good."

"MY PUNISHMENT?!" I shout as he closes the door to his truck, now I have to wait a few more seconds to yell while he gets in the driver's seat. As soon as the door opens, he's getting an earful. "How is it my fault? Maya is the one who went into labor."

He grins, "you fought me for too long, sweetheart. If you would have given in sooner, then we wouldn't be in this situation."

There is no valid argument.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

Well, there was no need to take Lucas' police car.

It is now three o'clock in the afternoon, and we're all glaring at her belly. "12 hours," the doctor murmurs while stepping inside the room, "You're a hero."

Maya smiles politely, the first time she's done that since we've gotten here and sits up in her bed. "Doc, you gotta get him out of me, please." Okay, I can't be that mad at her. She can't control when Daniel comes out. Her doctor barely opens her mouth before Maya is giving a suggestion, "I'll just push, and he'll eventually come right out, right?" Maya falls back against the pillows, her palm flicking away the sweat she's gathered from the contractions. She swears up and down that her meds quit working, if that's true, I'm not sure. She has a tendency to be over dramatic the past few months.

"You're ready."

35 minutes later, I'm watching Maya and Josh cry over their newborn son who looks like a baby replica of his father. Daniel has Maya's nose, and that's about it. He's a little chunk, weighing in slightly over 8 pounds, but he's beautiful.

Daniel Asher.

Lucas wipes the few tears off my cheeks, and pecks them gently. The hands that were wiping my tears wrap around my slightly pudgy stomach. "Just a few more months, sweetheart. Just a few more months and Asher will have his little sister."

Turning on my heels, I let my arms wrap around his neck before kissing his lips sweetly. "I can't wait."

A small cry echoes off the walls of the room at the moment our lips meet, Lucas sighs before fluttering his beautiful eyes open, "I should get used to this, shouldn't I?"

Tossing my head back, I laugh whole heartedly. "Yeah," I mumble through my giggles, "you definitely should."

"I love my life."

Unaware to a few lingering eyes, my chuckles die down to meet his gaze. That same incomparable amount of love shines through, as always. "Me too."

And to think, all this from a measly reunion.


	13. Sneak Peek

Expecting to fall and completely embarrass myself, the exact opposite happens. His free arm wraps tightly around my waist and presses me firmly against his chest. The skin to skin contact erupts in millions of intense sparks, "Mine," he repeats, "understand?"

I nod.

Because more than anything in this world, I don't want him to stop touching me.

Turning us around, mystery man presses my back firmly into the door of my truck and buries his face into the crook of my neck. However, whatever sort of voodoo he cast to envelope us in our very own personal bubble, bursts when a familiar voice is calling out my name. "RILEY! RILEY OVER HERE! HEY!"

I make eye contact with those beautiful eyes once again, his left brow arches while inspecting my face. "Riley," he mumbles, testing out my name upon his lips.

I never wanted him to stop saying my name, and in a small act of courage – and patience since I'm ignoring the hollering of my name – I say, "what's yours?"

"Lucas," he breathes, his lips hovering over mine. What I wouldn't freaking give to attack his face right now.

Just like he had done, I test it out on my lips and watch as his entire frame shudders. "Perfect."

"RILEY GRACE!"

I'm in trouble.


End file.
